Cancer Research UK main site

angry with my sons family

Carebear75
Offline

just looking for other people’s opinions. My son has undergone 6 1/2 months of intensive chemo and radiation. Chemo every other week. 6 and 3 day cycles with 6 weeks radiation in the middle. I have bought my son up on my own ( he will soon be 20). During this time I have had no financial, emotional or practical support from anyone on his dads side. However, I arranged for him to see his grandparents once a month and this happened throughout his childhood. He will still go round and visit. During his treatment they have again not offered any practical emotional or financial support. He has had to date 110 hospital appointments (220 round trips 130 miles). 68 over night stays, I have covered 15000 miles paid a small fortune on petrol etc. I have had to continue to work full time as well as be with him and they have only visited once at hospital! A couple of times they have looked after him in the day whilst I worked, but once he had to go back to the hospital and his grandad had gone to the pub so they couldn’t get him there. I was 200 miles away working and had to come and get him as he needed to be at the hospital. I was so annoyed and have not spoken to them since. We haven’t fallen out I just let my son speak with them. At the start of treatment they offered him money but once they found out I had a little put away for him they stopped it. They also did the same with a holiday they offered him. I am disgusted with their behaviour it feels like they have stepped aside and had no part to play during his illness. Am I being unfair?  I  lost for words. They do not know his treatment has finished as they never call me. They have never once asked me how I am!!

i cannot comprehend this strange and distant behaviour. His nanna always says how much he means to her and the he is her whole world, but I am realising that they are  words with no meaning behind them!

I am scared what I will say to them if they do contact me as don’t want to make a scene in front of my son, but I’m guessing he can see this for himself as he has not phoned them to tell them he’s finished .

 

am I missing something or being unreasonable?

 

  • Offline in reply to Carebear75

    Hi trust me stress it hides in your brain it caused me to have an iregular heart beat at one time .you cant not be stressed i was realy laid back but subconsciously it was there hiding and at one time or another ive been through just about every senario on here 14 months ago i lost the love of my life and to me the world ended now to cap it all ime waiting for results to see if i have cancer and i lost a granson so have a pretty good beat on things and ive learned we worry to much and get angry over things that are not important only life . Hope you dont let it get to you . Iike you said just let them come to you if they offer help take it .your right in cases like this you find out your true friends and sometime help comes from people you would never expect when otheres let you down just like you said distance yourself let them feel guilty and they will

  • Offline in reply to Paulus

    I’m so sorry to hear about the tough time that you’ve been having. I hope your results are clear. I will be thinking about you. Yes, you’re probably right and the stress will be hiding. I’m coping ok at the moment and everything is very close to normal and has been throughout treatment. We have been lucky as my son has tolerated his treatment very well and we are both positive people  and have things planned for the next few months. Cancer has become part of our lives but has not become our lives. 

    I have had amazing support from my family and friends. I am sure you are right and his nanna  will feel guilty, but that will not be my problem. I can hold my head high and know that I have tried to involve them. They will have to deal with that I will not shoulder their guilt. I think very much into the short term future and try to behave and act in a manner that will benefit our current situation. 

    Hope you’re doing ok and you too have the support that you need.

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.