Confusing time, finding it hard to ask questions

Hi,  I hope it is ok to post here.. my father is very poorly at the minute. He has recently been placed back on chemotherapy after the immunotherapy stopped working, they found the cancer had spread to nearby nodes. I found out today (unknown to him) his cancer has further spread, this is a 3rd new area that I know of and started off from a secondary cancer. I'm hurt that I wasn't made aware of it till now, we are a small and close family.. perhaps my parents are trying to protect me? Should I respect him or should I ask more questions? and at the same time, I'm scared to ask. I feel he is trying to push through each day, taking his mind off it with work, hobbies, DIY ect when he is well enough... this stops me asking because I don't want him to think I'm setting out reminders of his reality. I'm hurting inside but having to remain a pillar for my mother, my husband is there for me but I feel if I start crumbling, I wont stop. I have no clue of what stages or how long ect.. it really is a hard and confusing time. 

G. x

  • Hi blue_tone, so sorry about your father he is probably trying to protect you, hopefully he will  tell you everything soon, most ill family members don't tell relatives everything,, i know from experience when i found out i had C I told my wife I had it but not every were it was so it was easier on her so she wouldn't panic, you want to talk about it with your husband first let it all out then you can decide weather to tell your father what you know he could be trying to fight it in his own way, there's a lot of ways to emotionally fight it it's whatever way feels best to the pacient, best wishes.

    Billy 

  • Hi there ..

    I agree with Billy... I think your dad is doing what he needs to do... being normal for as long as possible.. that way he will get the most from every day he is given ... knowing everything isn't always a good thing .. then it's like a time bomb in your head ...ticking down ... and then it will effect you even more ..

    If I was you , I'd just go along with how your dad wants to do things .. that will give him some control over something he feels , has no control ... if that makes sense ... live in the day .. every day is a bonus .. fill it with memories... fill it with as many good times as you can .. chat to him .. find out about his life .. you can be the difference on how things go now .. you can give in now and just wait .. or you can get your daughter head on ... and say and do everything to make this a spiecial time ..

    My mum died suddenly from a heart attack and had no chance to even say those things like I was so proud to be her daughter... or hug her one more time .. or hear those words "I love you" I was 36 and what I'd give to just have one day or even one hour with her now ... you can do those things I couldn't... live in the day with him ... holding his hand ... yes you'll still have hard days .. let those feelings out .. you don't have to be strong for others .. tell your hubby , you need to talk about your dad .. admit it's the scariest thing you've done ... cry / yell / cuss at cancer .. then when it's all out ... start sharing .. start by holding hands instead of holding people up .. you all will go through emotions ... it's a part of life and loosing people we love ...  but if you can do this ... you will look back with pride you never waisted any time with your dad ...   

    Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie