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Mum is dying of ovarian cancer and I am in denial

pgh95
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Just over two years ago, my amazing mum was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. She had a hysterectomy and chemo but the cancer kept coming back and she was placed on a trial to keep it at bay – about a month ago we had just had some great news that she was down to two very small tumours that were shrinking with treatment but we recently found out the cancer has spread to her brain.

She had static radiotherapy and we thought she was just suffering with side effects but two nights ago she was taken to hospital with pneumonia. Since then she has been so weak and she can't breathe unassisted. One of the nurses basically suggested we remain on standby but when I have been calling the ward they just say she's looking better or she's not had a great night, basically not breaching patient confidentiality but I am too scared to ask anyone for the truth as I am trying to stay strong for everyone. Mum says she has no intention of "going anywhere" so I have downplayed the seriousness of it to my younger siblings and her family but it means that I have no one to truly share my fears with so I guess that's why I am writing here. 

I feel like if I truly face up to what is happening then I am just going to crumble and be of no use to anyone. I want to stay strong and stay busy but the horror of what is happening keeps on hitting me over and over again and I feel like I am already grieving for the strong, funny, witty and indepedent person that my mum was and sometimes still is. 

Alongside all of this is just the fact that I feel so cross at just how wrong this is. I would never wish this on anyone ever and despite the fact that millions of people have been through the same thing, I feel so alone. I was 21 when my mum was diagnosed and the thought of losing her so early just fills me with shock, as if something like this shouldn't be "allowed" to happen. It truly feels like my heart has broken.

  • Offline in reply to pgh95

    Morning sweetie - so glad you've posted again & letting us know how you are. I have been thinking of you & wondering how things were. Re: my diagnosis - I have the colonoscopy on July 17th (could have been before but I put it off) which I'm not looking forward to but needs doing so.....

    The fact that your mum's cancer has spread must be terribly difficult & finding comfort in words isn't easy when we feel in despair but I'm glad that what I have said helps you a little bit at least. It does strike me you know that you are dealing with what's happening in a way that many young people would find impossible. You say you fear not coping but the reailty is that you are coping & better I think, than you give yourself credit for. Not coping, I think, is to run away or to have some kind of collapse but this isn't what you are doing. I wonder if, when we say "I'm not coping" really means "I'm feeling this horrendous pain & I can't make it go away". Of course it can't go away because it's the result of what loving someone & losing them means. It's the terrible price we pay for loving someone dearly.

    I understand what you mean about people not understanding cancer. Unless one has some personal experience it really is almost impossible & despite wanting to say & do the right thing people don't always get it right - as you say the reality is much more complicated. The thing about this forum is that people here do understand.

    As for your wanting me to be your grandma - I'm not one in reality but I shall be absolutely chuffed to bits to be your virtual grandma for as long as you'd like me to be! :):)

    Another day sweetie that you've coped & I'm very proud of you. Keep plodding & keep in touch as & when you need to. Sending you an enormous virtual hug. x

     

  • Offline in reply to purrfect

    Hello,

    Just checking in to see how you are all getting on

    Katie

    xxx

  • Offline in reply to KS73

    Hi Katie, I've not been on here in a while but my Mum passed away on August 20th.

    xxx

  • Offline in reply to pgh95

    Hello pgh95,

    I am so sorry to hear this news. There really is no words to describe the pain.

    How are you coping? I am finding the run up to Xmas really tough. Here if you need to chat at any time.

    Thinking of you and your lovely Mum

    xxxxxxxxxx

     

  • Offline in reply to pgh95

    Hello sweetie

    I'm sorry to hear the very sad news that you lost your mum. Even though we know it will happen it doesn't make the loss less easy to bear. I hope you are coping despite your fears that you wouldn't. Please let me know how you are getting on.

    I haven't posted for some time as I am still unwell & despite numerous tests I still have not had a diagnosis. I have an endoscopy on Wednesday & hope in a way that something shows so at least I know what's what.

    All the best sweetie & take good care of yourself - that's what your mum would want.xx

  • Offline in reply to KS73

    Thank you KS ️

    I am just so devastated, there is still so much paperwork to be done by myself and the whole thing has been an admin nightmare.. I still don't feel like I can fully grieve yet.

    I used to love Christmas, plan it months in advance, put decorations up so early and think of so many things to do but I just don't care. It means nothing to me without her.

    I hope you're doing okay, how are you finding things? xxx

  • Offline in reply to pgh95

    Hey, 

    How are you getting on?

    I can't believe how quick it's been, 9th August for me, 20th for you, can you believe it'll soon be a year?

    I miss my Mum Increddibly. She Is never far from my mind and I still cry alot and have bad days. 

    Xx

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