My boyfriend of 6 months (and a friend of 2 years) has suddenly annouced to me that he has brain tumour. Initially, he said he is dying and my reaction was very emotional disbelief to the point he stromed out and went home. After days of silent treatment, he said that he has not actually been told he is dying, or is cancer and that the brain tumours are small and beningn but his blood tests are abnormal.. He had radiotherapy and I offered to go, initially he was hesitant, then agreed and then picked an argument over what I done in my sleep and told me not to bother..
I am not very good at showing my empathy through words and often speak first and talk later, but I am very caring person. I was totally ready to leave work, go visit him help with mundane daily tasks if worse comes to worse.. I took days off, moved meetings around etc yet he keept pushing me away.. Admittedly, I did not took this well, but he accussed me of trying to control him, being abusive, telling him what to do, not listening when infact I feel unheard. I can't imagine what may be going on for him not knowing and waiting to hear if he does have cancer or not, but considering we had plans to move together and start a life together, and that this was hidden from me despite it apparently going on for long before we got together, I feel I have the right to disagree with his way, be angry and upset.. I can't change it or force him to let me in and open up but at the same time I feel like I am entitled to my feelings and grief.. Am I wrong and selfish for this? What really hurts me he will disappeare, not answer phone calls or texts, tell me i should just shut up and forget what i want and need and do as he say as he may be dying and that I will do this if I really loved and cared. If I try to get a word in about how it all upsets me I am called selfish, uncaring and unsupportive.. Same if I want to see him, bring any issue we have, or even bring an issue I have... I am wrogn for talking about it as he wants to do it all alone (yet have me there let him be and waiting), but then gets angry with me for getting on with my life... Acussing me of starting arguments, and that It is all my fault and I am never pleased, that my behaviour is disgusting etc.. There was issues in the relationship before particularly no shows, ghosting, cancelling every time I am meant to meet friend or family of his.. After months I have never been allowed to go to his place or know his address.. And after being a victiom of emotional abuse before and his stories of previous ill health and mysterious recovery, I feel ashamed to say that I am starting to doubt this is all real, and not just attention cry.. He is very troubled person despite not admitting it, and often have mood swings with show of desparation and insults, constanty getting defensive like everyone is out to get him, including me..
I can see how I can come across as abusive but his statements that I am enjoying it when all this arguments and constant chasing him and beginning him to open up is literary making me ill.. It has come to the point that mental health has deterioted so much, my panic attaxcks reccur that I geniounely do not wish him near me anymore. I get it is difficult experience to face possibility of dying so young as I work in social care and see it daily, but I don't think it entitles people to be *** about it and accuse people of selfishness when they show concern and don't oblige to orders..
I am sorry if I posted that at the wrong place, but I am totally depsarate to get some insights from people who arent friends or family, as I feel I am totally losing my mind.. If I am truly being absive and unsupportive then that is something I want to be aware of and addressed as I don't want to hurt people I love...
