Hi Lisa,

I totally get what you mean. I feel like I lost mum along time ago but now I feel a little in denial about it all. I have periods of extreme overwhelming crying but others where I just feel empty. I cant remember what u said to mum when I was talking to her when she had passed away but I know I wanted to see her. I never thought I wanted to see mum like that but it felt like the right thing to do. 

I can tell you about what happened with mum but I woukdnt want to upset you  it could also be very different of course too. I didnt know what to expect and watching her deteriorate was one of the worst experiences if my life as I'm sure it is for you too. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this aswell. It's so hard to watch xxxx

Thank you for replying Rose. I know it's probably the last thing on your mind and not want to be doing right now.

I so understand you, and know I'm going to experience the same loss and emotions you are going through. 

I feel like I'm trying to prepare myself for that day and sometimes finding myself even talking like mum has already gone, which is heartbreaking in its self. 

You don't have to tell me if you are finding it all too upsetting. I almost feel like I need to be more prepared, if that's even humanly possible. 

It scares me not knowing and when. Not anything anyone can predict, I know. 

I'm just anxious it's going to be horrific and traumatic, like during a seizure or something. All I pray for is a peaceful passing for my dear mum, when she feels she is ready. 

Sending lots of love to you and your family

Lisa xxx

Hi Lisa,

I thought the same. The worst thing was that i used to think the only way this is over is by mum.passing away but i didnt really put alot of weight on that. I didnt really know what that meant...do you know what I mean? 

10 days before mum passed she became bed bound but was so frustrated, still trying to feed herself,still had an appetite, etc.. 

After about 5 days or so she started to lose interest in food and had to get her tablets in soluble form. She was also given the meal replacements in the syringe. 

On mothers day she went into a coma, breathing was almost like she was on a ventilator...it was like a robot. She didnt have any medicine for a few days and they spoke about get a syringe driver. She then woke up on the Monday evening and was trying to talk. It was like a whisper and I could barely make anything out. It was obvious she was paralysed from the head down. It was like a horror movie. So awful to see my mum like that. She then showed on Thursday she was in pain (grimacing and nodding when we asked if she had pain) she had an injection of morphine and she then slipped back into a coma. Her breathing became really irregular and she just slipped away Friday morning. My auntie was with her and said it was very peaceful. She just didn't take another breath. After all the suffering I couldnt wish for more really I guess but i still cant believe it has happened. Even writing this..sitting with her for hours..it doesnt seem real. 

I hope this gives you some form of comfort in a way...I just hate the thought of another person suffering the same way I did/am. It's a pain you cant explain unless you have been through it xxxx

I know exactly what you mean. I guess now for you, now that it's happened, it's a totally different feeling. One I can't imagine, but am sure to find out. 

My mum has been bed bound for quite a while now. She also can't feed herself and on bad days it's hard to give her medicine, if anything at all. We also got soluble form for her. 

She sleeps alot and only says a couple of things doesn't ask questions only answers you and half the time she is confused and doesn't quite no what she is saying. 

On mothers day of all days. That's horrible. I'm sorry. Your poor mum didn't deserve any of this. This is such a *** desease, how it can attack someone so badly.

I bet that was terrifying. And so scary to see. And just sad memories we will hold forever. 

I'm glad for you and your mum that it was peaceful and that at least the morphine helped with pain and she didn't suffer. 

There are no words that I or anyone can say to help you through this. Just no your not alone and that after both our experiences and how similar everything has been for us, that I am here and can whole heartedly sympathise and understand you. 

I had to complete the respect form yesterday. Was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make. 

Xxxx

Thank you Lisa and the same for you too. I am always here. 

I have plucked up the courage to call the funeral directors today to try and start that process. I dont want to really but I keep thinking of her body. Because of the coronovirus I know it's not going to be the funeral my mum deserves but I also dont know that I feel comfortable putting it off. It's a hard decision isnt it. 

Your poor mum and so awful for all of you. Like you say..I can relate to it all. My mum said alot of strange things and kept hallucinating which was awful to see and hear. She also thought I was keeping her bed bound and asked me why I was doing it to her . 

I hope your mum is having a slightly better day today? How are you finding the care? Is it working still? 

Xx

I've been reading through this thread and just wanted to add I've been through the same thing. Mum had breast cancer which had spread to her brain and bones, and from the day we were told it had spread to her brain we only had a week with her. 
 

Caring for her was heartbreaking but she lost most of her mobility and needed help with everything. She barely ate for the last few weeks of her life and was very sleepy and not herself. Mum was only in her 50s which made it harder, she was the youngest person in the hospice. 

She wanted to be cared for at home for as long as possible and she spent the last week of her life in a hospice in a coma state because the cancer was in so much of her brain.

Just wanted you to all know that if you wanted to talk to someone else about it I'm here ️ As long as you let them know how much you love them and talk about the good times and make sure they're comfortable, then you're doing the best for them. X
 

Hi Rose. 

Hope you are doing OK?

My beautiful mum passed away yesterday morning, peacefully with me there holding her hand. 

Still very surreal and can't quite believe she is gone. 

X

Also Rose... I'd like to stay in touch, if you do?

I know we bonded over something awful, yet our experiences have been so very similar. 

You bring me some kind of comfort. 

Lisa, xxx

Hi Lisa,

I am so so sorry to hear about your mums passing. I am so pleased it was peaceful for you both. 

I must say that I still feel very numb. Unfortunately for both of us and our beautiful mums their funerals are very difficult and not what they deserve but these are the cards we have been dealt :( 

I am always here to chat. At anytime. I'm so sorry for your loss 

I would love to stay in touch - I haven't ever spoken to anyone who exactly understands how it feels and what we have been through xxxx