Hi there,

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that it has spread. Has she had any chemo before? WBRT is so intense at first, she will get worse before she gets better. I didnt think my mum would ever come back and she did  she couldn't drive anymore due to the brain Mets but she used to come over to me on her bike! 

My mum has had a bad turn again. She is back in hospital. I feel like I'm losing her again - it has been very dramatic. I called an ambulance twice last week..once being Sunday when they admitted her. My mum has had radiotherapy on her spine today which I'm hoping will ease the pain. Anyway this time she is really struggling to walk and be self sufficient so they will not discharge her  unless care is in place. My mum is on her own and it's just me. Obviously with work and my kids I can totally relate about the juggle. It is so scary and overwhelming. 

I so hope you will start to see some improvement in your mum over the next few weeks . Does your mum know your pregnant? Hope your feeling ok. 

Xxxx

Hi hun, 

How are things with you?

How's your mum doing? Is she back home now?

Things got worse for my mum. 2 weeks after her radiotherapy finished she had a seizure. They started to reduce her steriods a day or two before... So we don't know if it was that, or if it's whether the cancer is on the brain. She has about 10 mets.

It was awful, so hard seeing her like that. She was in hospital for a week. Back home now, but not doing so great, she is so weak in her legs and arms, struggling to pull up off the sofa and bed. She is living down stairs now and has carers 4 times a day. We're scared to leave her on her own and so I'm trying to be there and do as much as I can. 

A nurse from the hospice came to see us today, started talking about resuscitation and forward planning. Mum got really upset. Said to me afterwards she doesn't feel herself and is so sad. 

She wants to live so much, with every breath she takes and all energy she had, she fights to keep living. 

Hi hun,

Not sure if you saw my message? Just wondered how your mum was doing? You OK?

Lisa x

Hi lisa, 

I am so sorry! I disnt see your message. How is your mum now? Has she had any more seizures? 

My mum is now very poorly. She is unable to walk at all, she gets very confused and upset. She still wants to be independent and is struggling to accept any help. I am really struggling to be honest now. 

I hope things are better for you? 

Rose xx

Hi Rose. 

I'm so sorry to hear that. Your poor mum. 

I'm hear for you, when ever you want to chat. 

My mum also is now bed bound. Unable to walk. She is very confused most of the time..eaten little and has to have carers 4 times a day. We are scared to leave her alone, so have to try and arrange someone to be with her through the day. It's so hard seeing her deteriorating. It's awful.

Some days are better than others for me.

She's almost too poorly, that I don't think she tuely knows how sick she is. And then othet times she gets quite upset and emotional about it all.

She's not had any more seizures, but they kept her steriods up high, but today they start to come down again. So we're all really anxious and scared. 

Xxxx

Hi, 

Oh blimey. I cant believe how similar everything is that we are going through. My mum is exactly the same but she also things sometimes that I am making her stay in bed, she thinks that she cant get up and walk to the other side of the room and that I'm stopping her. I am finding that very difficult. I never wanted to be mums carer and I am also so worried that she will turn against me. I know it isnt her but its hard to take isnt it. 

I am starting to realise that what is actually best for mum is probably to go against her wishes and to move her to a hospice or a nursing home etc both of which I have fought so hard to keep her out of.  I hope your pregnancy is going ok and be sure to keep safe with this horrible virus going around :(  xxx

Oh hun, I'm so sorry. It's so hard isn't it. 

I know exactly how you are feeling. And we have been through the same motions and feelings.

The hospice won't take mum until her medical symptoms get worse, so if she has more uncontrolled seizures, or stops swallowing and can't take her tablets.

We considered a nursing home, but so far we are able to manage between me and mums parter. With taking care of her. 

The carers are great and come in twos now, so they can move mum together. 

The occ health team have provided lots of machinery and tools to help with everything, to try and get mum as comfortable as possible. 

My mum is some what oblivious to everything now. Doesn't realise how much care and support we are all doing and giving her. But I think for now, I'd prefer to keep looking after her at home.

Especially with this coronavirus going around, they were talking about closing off nursing homes. I'd hate not to be able to see her. 

Pregnancy is going well. Just wish I could share the tiny excitement I have with her. She's waited so long for me to have a baby, it's so heartbreaking to imagine her not being here with me when I have the baby in August  

Xxx

Hi,

My mum sadly passed away yesterday morning. She continued to deteriorate until the cancer must if overwhelmed her body. I am absolutely devastated. It doesnt feel real. 

I hope things are better your end especially with all of this going on in the world too. 

Rose x

Oh Rose, 

I'm so sorry, there are no words. I'm here for you when ever you want to talk.

Your brave mum, went through so much over the years and wouldn't have been as strong and as brave throughout all of it, if it wasn't for you!

I pray it was a peaceful passing for her and that you were able to be there with her.

My mum isn't great, she's completely bed bound now. Isnt eating much at all and we had to get most of her medication in liquid form.

She's confused most of the time, and seems to have better days, and then really drowsy non responsive days where she just sleeps and can't even wake. 

I'm scared of what to look for and encase I'm not there with mum when she takes that turn, and the time comes.

I feel like I am grieving already for her as she's lost so much of who she is. We can't even have much of a conversation anymore and she is just unaware on how poorly she is. 

I'm sending you all my love Rose at such a difficult time. Wish I could do something or even say something that could take some of you pain away. 

Your mum is at rest now and she can dance in the sky and rest easy!

Xxxx Lisa xxxX