Supporting a Mum on IV Chemo

Hello. I'm new on the forum. My Mum has breast, bone, kidney and liver cancer. She was first diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer 8 years ago but did not to have chemo and surgery as she was terminal. She was given one year to live so quality of life was the priority. Cancer then spread to the bones, kidneys and liver. She is still here 8 years on but now run out of various meds options. She has always been opposed to IV chemo. She has defied all expectations by still being here.  Her alternative options (oral chemo, other meds, supplements and diet changes) have kept her around until now, but sadly the liver cancer is biting and her latest CT scan shows that in order to stay alive, IV chemo is the only option. So now we are faced with an 18 week course and the prospect that once this has finished, she will again start the decline due to all the cancers riddling her. So here I am, having had 8 bonus years, seeking some counsel on the next step forward...How do I care for her? What do people on chemo want to hear, or be asked? What can I read to help handle the emotional pain personally? 

  • Hi melsieG sorry to hear about your mums condition when she is on chemo it depends on,, type,, she may be fine all the way through treatment or she may not be very good at all. (I'm just being truthful) as long as you can keep her occupied things she likes to talk about or used to do. Remember 18 weeks is a long time is thear any other relatives or friends to come and visit now and again. I hope she is OK on treatment. Best wishes..

    Billy 

  • Hi, I'm sorry to read your post, what a lovely daughter you are ( or son) so your mum has defo opted for chemo? It's no walk in the park but it's doable....we don't expect magic wands or words of wisdom, by you simply just being there will be enough....

    Just take it day by day....don't go looking too far ahead and thinking " what if" your mum will have good days on chemo, so cherish those....it's really important she stays away from germy people, the last thing she needs is a lurgy on top of the treatment....

    your mum sounds like a fighter....so just hold her hand and let her know your right beside her..... xxx

  • Hi Billy - thank you.

    I live in Kent and Mum is in London and the family is spread around Asia mainly so not really local at all! I will drive up regulalry and Im on the phone a lot to her, daily, Whatsapp is a great tool for sending pics and quick chats isnt it?! Thank you for yoru advice, Mum is very strong and stoic but she tends to get every side effect goin on the meds she has had so far so Im realistically expecting that she will be hit hard. Im terrified of her not being around or not being as able as she was - cancer fatigue taking hold. She lives alone so we are looking into devices we can install just so we know she is up and about - movement sensors and the like. I will try an occupy her with mind game apps on her phone, regular contact and mini trips if she is able. Im just not sure how to handle her nausea and exhaustion - do I steer clear and give her some peace or do you think I should be there and support her? 

     

  • Thank you  - Ima daughter - yes she has opted for it as it is the only option left if she wants to stick around. I just loathe that she will have to endure 18 weeks of chemo only to hit the cliff edge at the other end. It seems the reality of that is like a ticking time bomb. My daughter turns 13 in October and Im praying tht Mum will make it to October to see that - do you think goals like that will give her motivation or fill her with dread? 

  • I've just read that she lives alone, I'm going through chemo and couldn't imagine doing it alone. Is there anyone who can stay with her for at least the first few days post chemo? On line supermarket shopping will be a god send too. Will her chemo be in 3 weekly cycles? I know we all react differently to chemo and in fact I have a friend who goes into work straight after her infusion!?

    I think having goals is a great idea! When I said don't look too far ahead it was more todo with her treatment.....take her treatment daily.....but positive goals are a good thing....xxx

  • Hi melsia I think if you're mum is being sick she would like a bit of privacy but if you could be nearby just in case she wants a hand now and again. Hope she is not to bad with treatment. Good luck. 

    Billy

    P.s have you thought of a carer for some of the time,. 

  • Oh boy, she has plenty of friends around her to care for her but I cant be with her after each chemo session - she will be weekly for 18 weeks. Not every 3 weeks, so it will be intense. I work full time and have two children of school age. I think I will have to look into having someone check in on her. She will oppose that, she's ill but still very stubborn! I will have to encourage her to take up all shows of support and help. Thank you

  • Yes, I think I will need to carve out time to stay over with her after each session - once I know how she responds to the chemo. Ive heard that the day of chemo is usually fine and that the nausea can actually hit on day three? So will need to be ready to get to her when she needs me. Thank you

  • Word of warning some people are not very good straight away some can be up to a week before trouble hits, I still hope your mum is OK with it, best of luck. Hope you don't need it. 

    Billy