I'm an American married to a Scot. The Scottish hubby was diagnosed on Friday, it's Sunday. Hubby is a GP. They told him before the CT report was even dictated. Professional courtesy me thinks. It's kidney cancer. My dad, who has advanced Parkinson's and chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL), Daddy has offered to fly over from California with my stepmother to help us. I'm 51and my dad is still trying to take care of ME? And my husband too :( That alone left me in tears. My dad can't get out of bed on his own, I fly "home" (a slippery concept for an expat) three times a year to help my stepmother. Yet, despite his own problems and bags of tablets to take five times a day, Dad wants to come help. And my stepmother agreed even though she knows he can't. My in laws, father in law a retired surgeon, have offered me support and to help care for their son, the ONE of their three kids who's never asked for help. Their oldest.
My brother in law and wife have offered to help me care for my husband, but they have a six month old baby girl and a blind cat. None of them live near us. We are in northeast Scotland, in laws are on an island and brother in law down on the west coast... so the reality is, me and hubby are all we've got. I'm scared to see this very stoic, very has a hard time with emotions, this caretaker of others, I'm scared to see him so vulnerable. I can smell his fear but he won't discuss it. Like me, it's easier to joke than say you're afraid or need help.
We don't know what his treatment looks like. His kidney mass to visible from his stomach. What does that say? And that's the mass, not his other organs being pushed forward.
And we thought his fatigue over the past few months was due to him becoming a vegetarian ... (it's okay, we use that for a laugh break a lot)
Just saying hi...and asking how you do it when it's a loved one and not the loved one who calls and says "patient Mr. Smith needs his thingy changed so I'll be a bit late" or getting gifts from his patients when our dog passed away...how do I make HIM realise it's his turn to be vulnerable and go through the hard work? Because I thihnk he's slightly in denial.
Thanks,
cari
