Hi 

I am so sorry that your dad is going downhill and I totally agree with Chriss that his body has probably had enough. I was relieved for my dad when he received palliative care and pain management because he just wasn't strong enough to cope with anything else. I sat with him and we laughed out loud at silly memories, we cried when we hugged and we said "I love you" a million times over. I fed him cool melon and ice cream, helped him with his pillows and generally made a nuisance of myself! I dream of him now and it's usually of when he was younger and fit and strong. We used to race and he was a rugby player so I had to perfect passing the ball, no forward passes! I am crying now writing this but I am grateful for my memories and the time I had with him . Make the most of the time you have with him, talk, talk and then talk some more. 

I too wish I could say something else that would make this easier. 

Cx

Hi  ....Marlyn.. and rainbowrains  

and thank you for those lovely comments ... But l have learned lots from my mum .. she taught me to be fare .. and kind .. and to reach out .. and I've had my share of hard knocks ... but the one thing above all else was to find something always to end up laughing, no matter how tough things got ..

That has seen me through so much .. l remember once she had one of her heart attacks ... about 2 years before we lost her to another one .. she was in H D U (HIGH dependency unit) in the hospital .. after 4 days they said she could be moved to a ward ... well me and her granddaughter where going with her .. along come the porters .. and layed her on the trolly ....and my mum was jolly big and as l called it her jelly belly ... well in the lift she had us all laughing so much .. and her belly was wobbling like jelly the more she laughed ... one of the porters begged her to stop .. he said "please Mrs, have some sympathy for us porters , if those doors open and the matron sees us all like this, well get the sack ... you've just come from intensive care "  

So you see, l learned from the best ... and when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, there were lovely white feathers every where, mostly stuck in my bra .. I've never seen so many .. and the day my surgeon said my lump was contained and low risk of spread, the feathers just stopped ..that's my mum ..

and like mum, the funniest 4 days I had in a long time was in the ward after my masectomy ... I never stopped laughing with family and the other patients .. even when I was attached to glucose drip, had blood transfusion drip .. catheter .. drain ... l felt like Ripley in aliens... but it just shows sometimes we have to look for the humour ... 

Well little rainbow ... I'm here if you want to chat ... l think I got a friend request from you, but it disappeared. . If you still want to, let me know and I'll send one to you .. but if you'd rather chat here that's fine too ...  so you just do what you have to do .. and if you can make him smile occasionally like Marlyn did , you'll look back and be so happy you made what could be really a really hard time, a little better ..

Big hug to all you lasses ... cancer sucks .. but like my tee shirt says ... cancer touched my boob so l kicked it's *** ..  chrissie sorry for the long post ...  ; ))

Wow you and your mum remind me of my friend,  she too has been touched with some terrible pain,  even when she lost her baby twin girl , she made it her mission to stop every ones tears at the funeral , the funeral was bright and pretty and focused on sunshine and the sun beams , i am so embarrassed to say to most but even at the funeral we laughed,  purely through something that happened and my friend said yes that will be my girl ... but how you beautiful souls carry such strength amazes me , i long to be strong like this and I feel that its pain that does it us :( 

My nan was a strong lady , amazing and kind and it dug a deep hole when we lost her 12 years ago,  i was so terribly hurt but her calm nature helped me so much, all I had to do was remember her way, and I would feel bit better , lighter if that makes sense. 

I have so much to write and right now I have no brain to push it out on to board , last week I think I see and felt something with my dad hence coming on her to post,  and it seems I was right :(  infection just will not clear up and things have hit rock bottom, this morning her shouted 'just let me go.. I don't want to be a problem to you all anymore ' ... the nurses were brilliant and my poor mum just cried,  so the senior doctor come along and has now said they are trying to get my dad home on 24 hour care for the last few weeks of his life,  so that's it , the verdict/  sentence has been given....... I'm literally feeling quite numb right now , i have been asked not to tell friends and family yet , but please what if its not a few weeks, he is starting to swell up as of this morning,  I've seen this before,  if its days i want his other close ones to see him, what should I do ?? :/ xxxx

Hi ya ...

I always try to listen to what my gut feeling is .. it's usually right ... if you want to tell them, you do it .. as long as they don't over crowd him ... it's catch 22 really ... so what ever YOU decide ... with mum ... go with that .. your mum may be right behind you, or ask you to hold off ... it's down to the two of you really .. 

Don't feel guilty about finding something funny at a funeral .. most people who pass over, would probly do the same, looking at who's there, and who's saying what ... l think wer comming round to lighter funerals .. they were really scary when I was little .. now the music is played and more modern .. and they say now its a celebration of their life ... 

Please take a day at a time ... no one knows for deffinate ... some hold on longer, while some let go ... and l think he's had more then his fare share ... bless him ..

You know this journey isn't about being strong ... it's about being scared witless but still doing it ... and let those feeling out .. I've a feeling your mum could do with some company to share her tears ... holding things in, is no use to anyone ... like a pressure cooker needs to let off some steam or it explodes ... so do we .. I'm only strong, after I get my emotions out, and acknowledge them ...

Always here for you ... you keep writting anything down you want to get off your chest ... l dont think you know just how amazing you are ... sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie

Rainbow, your going through one of the hardest things you will ever go through....I think the lovely chriss has said it all......it's not about being strong....it's feeling the fear and going through it anyway.....

still here...still listening....still holding your hand....along with chriss xxxxxx

Thank you Harvell,  haha I'm glad he got you to perfect that passing!! ;) He sounds like an inspiration , I'm sure you will walk on his footsteps through life and make him so super proud, i believe we meet again so be sure to do some things that he will moan about , would be a bit boring if we got everything right ;) .... just dont forward pass !! Haha 

Kindest blessings to you

Thank you Rainbowrains. He certainly was an inspiration. Don't bottle up your tears, let go and share your memories with your dad. 

thinking of you and sending a hug. Xx 

I'm so sorry you lost your dad last night rainbowrains.

I'm sure the other members on this discussion will be along soon to offer their support but I just wanted you to know we're here for you, always.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Oh my hunny ...

Sending you a big hug ... always here when you need a shoulder to lean on ..  you've touched my heart ..

Chrissie