Hi there ..

Bless ya, what a thoughtless thing to say to you ... you must be feeling really low ... but you will always find someone to chat to on here ... your not alone ..

There's another thread using rainbow in their user name, who's going through this heartbraking time and quite Simerla to you ... it may help to chat to her too, you could help each other through and get the support your family arnt showing ...

No your not a child .. maybe a reply like "that hurts "  or maybe just block them out .. that's what I do now .. appreciate those who care ... IGNOR those who don't... their not worth it ...

Sending you a vertual hug ... chrissie x

Hi 

Wow what a thing to say to you! I am a "big girl" of nearly 60, a mum and grandma to 6 and I lost my dad 10 months ago. I can't tell you how much I miss my darling dad. He was and still is, my hero. A gentle giant of a man who made everything better! I love him and miss him every single minute. 

We are never ready to lose our parents and yes it is the circle of life but oh how it hurts. I was lucky that I  had a few months to tell him how loved he was and I am ever thankful that he knew this.

I will never stop missing him. Ignore the hurtful comments and enjoy being with your dad. He will draw so much strength from you too. 

Sending much love.

Cx

Well said Chriss! It never fails to amaze and sadden me to hear what people say. I have come across a few myself and it's true that you soon find out who your friends are.

C x

Thank you very much for your positive words,  I've found myself stalking everyone else convos for a while now never daring to create my own,  i try to find answers by looking at what others have written, but I'm little stuck on this next bit, yesterday doctors said chemo can no longer be offered due to illness infection being consistent and theres has been massive fat and muscle loss, chemo was due Feb and still too unwell to have it , so they said chemo still cannot continue. Also they have a few times put nutrition through a drip but there is no longer a plan for this? He doesn't eat at all hardly,  he can't he says he feels full but also ive seen choking happens easy on little bits of liquid.  Does this all mean what i think it means,  is the wind down,  is this the time to see he has fought an extraordinary fight but the body just can't cope with it?  

Hi there ... 

I'm so so sorry , and this is only an opinion ... I'm not medically trained ... but reading how he is now, and how weak he is, l think the Drs mean enough is enough ..  there comes a point where doing chemo or treatment may be too much for him to take ... it's a rough time even when strong 

Does he have a palitive care plan... if hes still in hospital, have a word with head nurse or Dr if that's  possible ... but I'm so reluctant to say things as there are times, though very few, where they get energy from somewhere and look better for a short while ...

So wish I could help more, l know it's confusing esp with uncaring relatives around that should all be on the same page and support each other at this time ... I'd say live in the day .. hold his hand as much as poss ... keep talking to him ... and remember wer here for you ..

Big vertual hug Chrissie xx

Oh bless you, I'm not medically trained either but it does sound like they're winding down. The same thing happened with my mum, as soon as they stopped all her normal meds ( including insulin) it was obvious to me, so I had a good talk to the consultant and they confirmed it....it's such a horrible time isn't it.......I hope he isn't in any pain....god bless xxxx

One thing I will add is , as painfull as letting go is .. now is the time to sit with him, hold his hand and say all that's in your heart.  Sharing tears are good for the soul ... he will hear you even when sleeping .. there maybe some things he needs to say that MAY be hard to hear about things he wants later .. but if you can listen and just say o.k .. you will be helping him more then you realise ...

When your with him keep remembering the man he was befor cancer ... he's more then cancer .. talk to him like he's still the same as before .. gentle honesty .. cancer wants you to just see the suffering ... it wants you to only think of that .. that's cancers job to ruin everyone's good memories... well you look it in the eye and not let cancer make you a victim too ..

I know no matter if this cancer gets me, l want my family to remember the good memories too ... the last thing I'll do is stick two fingers up to cancer ...he may take our bodies, but I'll never let it change who I am ..  it will never take my humour ... it will never make me lay face down and give up .. I'll always keep my head up and look at the stars .. so you can make these memories while you can and that will give you the courage to go forward ... you keep talking .. say anything you want on here ... it's a "safe place for feelings and honesty "   

Big big hug ... chrissie. ..

Oh my chriss, that just had me in tears! You have such a way with words and always knock the nail on the head. And about talking to your dying loved one? Yes! That is now one of the most comforting things about when mum was dying, I talked and talked....we said it all ( and even something very personal that she obviously didn't want to take to the grave)  your words resonate with me...don't ever leave this forum lady, I and others need you...xxxx

Hi , I'm sorry you lost your mum to this relentless  disease , it made me smile when you said she told you something 'deep' so to speak,  for that you should feel so good at the fact she lightened her load finally and to you,  you helped her release something that maybe laid heavy on her for so long,  you made it possible for her to feel peace so amazing xxx