Hi,

I wouldn't bite my tongue in this situation. She's your mum. He's got no right to treat you like that and if she was well enough she would probably tell him herself. Especially at the moment, if your close she probably wants you there even more so than usual so he will just have to accept that. If he doesn't just tell him to back off. Be direct. He's not worth it. Cancer is a horrible thing and you and your mum are going through an awful time, if he can't see that he should be working together to make things as nice and relaxed for your mum as possible there's something wrong with him. Sorry you're going through this on top of everything else. Take care. Xxx

I agree with [@MiGi]‍ .....I wouldn’t bite my tongue either. The fact is...you...as your Mum’s daughter trumps her new partner anytime. 

I think you should make clear your feelings to him....please....stand your ground. He’s being passive-aggressive to you - this is just as bad as him directly telling you he doesn’t want you around. 

Well...it’s tough. She is your Mum. And you come before him anyway. 

Perhaps you can have this discussion away from your Mum xx 

Thanks for the reply. The last thing I want to do is rock the boat and start ww3 with him at a time like this. And especially don’t want my mum to be stuck in the middle. I fully get that he will be petrified as well and she’s his wife and he loves her, but I’m defo finding it harder to let the way he acts slide. I felt like gettin up and punching him the other night! As the treatment progresses we are going to have to spend more and more time together and I’m definitely not wanting the ‘atmosphere’ that there is between us to make things harder for my mum. Or me for that matter! It’s a struggle and petrifying enough with out me being made to feel like I’m in the way and not wanted! I’m dreading the next few weeks as I know they are going to be hard on all of us. Especially my poor mum. I’m not going to be stepping aside if that’s what he’s trying to get me to do. No chance! It’s ridiculous. Aaaaaand breaaaaaathe lol 

xxx

Iv never been known for not standing my ground lol, the only reason I haven’t gone full scale mental at him is because I don’t want to upset mum. But if he keeps it up I know i’ll end up erupting and he really doesn’t want to see that side of me. My mums had words with him in the past about it and he always acts like he’s completely surprised and makes out that he doesn’t have a problem! Yeah right tell that to you’re face then mate lol xx

Tyoical behaviour from a bully like him...when challenged, pleading ignorance. I think...if you don’t act soon, there might be an incident where you do end up exploding and that may upset both you and your Mum (and will likely give him some fuel to play the victim!). So...when you’re calm...approach him, tell him what your observations are and then if he isn’t accepting of it - confirm the position with him....you’re not going anywhere and will see your Mum as often as you like xx 

I also agree with [@starcatone]‍ 

Its tough, she's your mum. This fact over rides anything that's in his head and otherwise. The atmosphere isn't your fault and he's definitely being passive aggressive towards you which is TERRIBLE and you don't have to put up with it. I said to someone earlier there's a way of standing your ground and being assertive without being confrontational and agressive. For example, Every time he tries to do this to you, call him out on it. If he makes a snide comment ask him to repeat it and ask him what he means by it. If he huffs and puffs or what ever he does ask him if there is a problem. He will probably be really shocked that you've started standing up for yourself and realise he'd best leave it as it's not worth the hassle to him. What a horrible man. I feel really bad for you but stamp on it, don't be a victim. Xxxx

[@starcatone]‍ 

I didn't want to say "bully" but he is isn't he? Absolutely awful. Definitely she will see her mum as often as she likes and it has nothing to do with him. What a horrible person. See what they're like when confronted? He knows exactly what he's doing and that's sick. I get so mad at these things. Be yourself, don't let it go and let him deal with his own awkwardness he's created and not put it on you. Xxxx

Yip [@starcatone]‍  I think confronting it will be the next step if it carry’s on. Mums apparently going to have ‘words’ before treatment day on wed. So will just have to wait and see I suppose. But I will say, good luck to him if it comes to a head! Xxx

Yes, just don't shout at him and don't swear or anything. Work out what you want to say before hand and stick to it. Don't let him infuriate you, which he will if he tells your mum again he doesn't know what she's on about. I bought my daughter a book recently its really old but really good. It's called A woman in your own right by Anne Dickson. You could probably get it on eBay for a few pounds now. It teaches you assertiveness without losing your cool! And the other thing is if you suffer with anxiety etc he's being extra horrible. You need calm and looking after too not him creating tension. At the end of the day though she's your mum and you're all that matters to her really I bet you. Take care! Let us know how it all goes. Xxx