The day after my 27th birthday I found out my dad has cancer. At first they thought it was lymphoma because of how it materialised, but it turns out it is advanced prostate cancer - in the prostate, lymphnodes and just recently we found out also in the spine too. He’s having chemo (two so far) and hormone treatment. My dad is my best friend, we are so close that I don’t know how to accept this. I know that it hasn’t been given the word terminal but we don’t know how long he will be with us. They keep using the phrase manageable but not curable. I got engaged the month after we found out - it had been planned a long time before the news. I felt happy but it soon disappeared which saddens me greatly for my partner. I keep thinking, will he be around to walk me down the aisle? to be a grandfather, will my mum be left all alone .. he’s only 58. I don’t seem to be able to cry about any of this now. I cried so much when I first found out but now I feel numb. I still laugh and smile etc but it all feels so false - except for the moments I share with my dad which are painfully real. I know that he could be around for another 10 years or it could be 1 or 2. The unknown just frustrates me. My dad didn’t cope well initially but I think now he has accepted it and is trying to be strong. I just feel so numb. I feel like I won’t ever be truly happy again - because every child thinks of their parents as immortal. Seeing him sick is so hard
