Hi Booky27; I am so sorry for what is happening to you.  My family was the same - a long time ago now my mum died of cancer.  Everybody had a different agenda it seemed to me.  My dad didn't want to mention the possibility of her dying; this was difficult and my mum regularly hinted that she wanted to talk but my dad was adamant.  This was  many years ago now and we (my sister and I) did as we were told.  Since then and when I went out into the big wide world I cared for friends and neighbours who were terminally ill.  Best example was the way that families were totally honest about what was happening and even the young children knew that grandad was very ill.  Nobody avoided the subject and when he died early one morning the entire family from old to  young trooped into to see his body and nobody was upset because the children were well-prepared for what was going to happen.  I know it is different in your case as your mum wants to protect the grandchildren.   I cannot imagine they do not realise something is up.  Everybody seems to be protecting everybody else; you are right about the elephant in the room.    I think you need to try to have an honest talk with your mum, pointing out that it will be better for you and the children to accept what is gradually happening and you can then discuss practical things and say the things that you want to say.    When I was four years old we visited my Welsh grandad who was terminally ill with stomach cancer.  I don't know if my parents just didn't think about my findimg out how ill my grandad was; but I wandered in and out of his room like I always did, talked to him and asked questions why he was in bed all the time (and why he kept being sick); he answered honestly and I naturally came to realise he was very poorly.  I was not upset (well I was sorry we were going to lose him but not upset seeing the unpleasantness of illness),  It is of course up to you how you feel best handling the situation but your mums illness is not going to miraculously disappear and it is probably best that (a) your children have some preparation and (b) they are not made frightened by things happening that the grown-ups won't tell them about.  Sorry to ramble on so much but it has said before on this forum that we don't handle death very easily in this country.    So best of luck with chatting to your mum - has she herself accepted that she has a terminal illness?  My very best wishes to you.  Annie

Thank you both for your kind messages. Xx