Hi Rossag,

I am so sorry to hear about your mum's diagnois. Have you tried any of the build up drinks and yoghurt-type puddings? My mother-in-law died in the early hours of Sunday morning, but she had been living on these and nothing else for nearly 2 years. All of her carers and nurses were amazed by how she lasted.

With regards to motivating her, the best that you can do is to show a positive attitude to her and see if this helps her.

I know how difficult it is towards the end to stay positive, as I went through this with my own mother who had breast cancer but developed metastases in liver, lungs, bone and brain. Is she still fit enough to enjoy a drive in the car? If not, perhaps you could read to her or play music, or even turn on the TV... Look after her needs as best you can.

I sincerely hope that you will manage to find an interest that she enjoys and, that she will gradually become more otivated with time.

Please let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards

Jolamine xx

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. We had this problem with my mum who was given 3 months and sadly passed away well before that. We found the best thing to do was to offer her food that she used to love, especially sweet things as the sweet taste buds are the last to go. Mum loved ice cream and custard tarts & that's what she lived on for the last few days. It's hard & very upsetting to accept that eating & drinking isn't going to make any difference to the inevitable. We feel guilty if our loved one isn't eating or drinking but the worst thing to do is to either force/cajole someone to eat or to surround them with lots of food in the hope they will eat something. What appears to us as our loved one lacking the will to live & needing motivation is actually the loved one making a decision that they don't want to or don't feel the need to eat or drink anymore. We realised quickly that encouraging/urging mum to eat was like bullying & we just took our lead from mum in the end. Her last food was a small bowl of ice cream that she had asked for - it gave us such pleasure seeing her enjoy her food on her own terms. My thoughts are with you & your mum at this difficult time x

Thank you for your reply she has started on protein drinks to provide her with some strength and it appears to be working so far I will definitely take your advice and sorry to hear about your mother in law. I'm glad there are people like yourself here to support it means the world to me 

Thank you for your help I think her taking food at her own pace will help I see how she could see it as us pressuring her into eating and makes it more of a chore than anything I'm sorry to hear about your mum and cannot thank you enough for your help and advice

Hi Rossag,

Has your mum got a Macmillan nurse? It might be worth discussing what your mum is eating with her or even your mum’s GP.

I understand that the digestive system gradually closes down at the end of life. If you force her to eat you risk some food going into her lungs instead of the normal route.They should be able to discuss this mechanism better than I can.

Thinking of and praying for you both.

Jolamine xx