My circumstances are different from yours in that I'm not working and have an adult son. What I do have in common with you is that my father has cancer, and my heart is breaking too.

I think the issue of work is a difficult one, and possibly something you need to decide for yourself. However, I have a feeling it's a question that you have already answered.

As for your children, perhaps it might be worth investing in one of those books that will help them to understand what's happening and make it seem less frightening. I saw some book recommendations relating to cancer only a couple of nights ago. If it wasn't on this site, then it was somewhere on the Macmillan website.

Thank you for responding...the pain is unbelievable at times isn’t it. Some days I manage to plod through with the children, they go to bed then BANG it’s there.

ive managed to get his Macmillan nurse on the phone and she thinks that we should be thinking months rather than years which is incredibly difficult to process...I still can’t accept the fact that this is happening.

shes advised that I talk to the children and prepare them and is going to recommend some books.

he has a short week of radiotherapy coming up so I’m going to take another two or three weeks leave (I’m very lucky that I get six months full pay) and go from there.

my thoughts are we with you. I hope your dad has a good prognosis x

Hiya,

My grandad passed away from terminal lung cancer last month, and I remember when I was in your position before he passed away, I felt the same as you. So you're not alone. Everyone kept telling me to spend as much time with him as possible, which is often over looked. But if there's one thing I regret now it's not spending as much time with him as I desired, so from this point I'd suggest giving up work for the time being if it's possible, otherwise you may regret it later. It is normal to be ill with lung cancer and have a weakened immune system, and my grandad also developed diabetes like your dad. It's also normal for you to feel stressed, so take every day as it comes, and focus on supporting your family right now. As for your children, I suggest telling them as best you can, and advise them to spend time with him too. And there are a lot of helpful booklets that Macmillan and other cancer services offer which are really helpful. I hope this has helped, if you have any questions just ask, and I wish you and your family all the best.

Elle. Xx

Thank you Elle. 

I can take up to six months six leave before my pay is halved so I will just have to try and juggle the time I have. It’s so hard. I’m taking another 2/3 weeks I think to support through the radiotherapy and potential side effects and will go from there.

ive spoken to the boys teachers today and informed them of the situation and they’ve assured me they’l keep an eye on them.

my parents aren’t aware of his prognosis as they haven’t asked but my mum is still thinking they may have years to go after the radiotherapy...or at least that is what she’s making out. I feel that I can’t discuss anything with the kids at present until my parents are prepared as I would hate the children to ask a question as they have the habit of doing that catches them unaware. It’s such a horrible situation. 

[@Sez5711]‍  I think the advice and suggestions that [@Elle.24]‍  has made are quite wise. I also think it was a wise move on your part to have the conversation you did with the teachers.

The pain you're feeling is what I believe is referred to as anticipatory grief, and is perfectly normal. It's perfectly understandable that you want to support your parents, but it's equally important to ensure that you also have a support network for yourself if you haven't already, and can let it all out as and when you need to/are able to.

I've just recently ordered myself a copy of the book 'Their Cancer - Your Journey' and have also been looking into local cancer support services that offer one-to-one emotional support for carers/families because I know that at some point I'm probably going to need it.

As you say your parents haven't asked for a prognosis, I imagine you must feel like you're walking on eggshells with them... more so than if the prognosis was out in the open perhaps?

[@Superhero-daughter]‍  your totally right. I felt I need to know as I didn’t think we’d have years and my gut instinct was potentially months but having it confirmed was hard. I feel like I need to prepare my brother as don’t think he has any idea of how quickly things might happen but I can’t tell him as he may tell my parents. I’ve decided I’m not going to say anything to them and if and when their ready they will ask. It’s so hard as my mum is still not accepting the do not resuscitate order that was discussed with my dad at his last admission and she thinks he was confused and shouldn’t have agreed to it. She still talks like he will have years but I know they have to come to terms with things in their own time. 

One of the hardest things now is the children are counting the days down til Christmas and for me it now has other significant reasons aswell. 

Thinking of you both and thank you for responding to me x

im glad I’ve found this group as I have nobody else to talk to x