Hi Mark, 

I am really sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis, and after only 4 weeks is still very fresh in your mind. Cancer is one of those things that invades your mind because all you want to do is help that one person that means the world to you and most of the time you have no idea what to do. I know after a diagnosis it is normal to start thinking what if and trust me I did exactly the same thing when I was diagnosed and its harder when you are watching someone you love go through it. I think to try and distract yourself from it all is a good thing to do, I know it will always be a niggling feeling there in your mind but try not to let it rule your head. Finding distractions is hard but try concentrating on doing things you both love, do puzzles, see a movie, a beautiful walk, anything that focuses your mind's on something positive. If either of you feel you want/need to talk about it though, this is important too.  When it comes to the future with you both and you son I can only say that you dont know what will happen yet, your wife could fight it, the treatment could work wonders, but how your feeling is normal, I think your just scared and focused on this thing that scares you so, I would try and stay optomistic if you can, anything is possible and I find believing you can do it really helps you on your journey. Its really great that you both act normal, I think that is key really, when it all becomes about cancer, it becomes exhausting. Try telling yourself that she will beat this, positivity really is an amazing thing and `I know you are trying so hard already, I know its difficult but unfortunatley with cancer there is no easy way to deal with anything, I wish there was. If you ever need a chat though, we are right here for you. 

I wish you the very best, 

Bex 

Hi. I dont know if it's normal or not but I too can't shake the feeling that my husband is dying and there's nothing I can do but watch. I'm on death watch. Went through this with a beloved pet that got diagnosed with cancer. Then I  have my moments that I chant in my head that he's going to be fine. They're going to get this lung infection cleared up soon, and then we'll move on to his radiation brachytherapy treatment, he'll get better and go back to work, and we'll grow older(we're both 60) together. But no matter what I do,  the fear will not go away. I feel I need a cancer support group but I live in rural North Carolina and there isn't any. I'm grateful for this chat group. At least I don't feel alone and isolated.  I pray your wife will be healed and you have a very long and blessed life together, watching your son and grandchildren grow up. 

Hi Zeelund

Your fears seem perfectly normal to me, as soon as you hear the word cancer your heart stops and you go numb.

Then its up to you - the cancer patient how you react and everyone reacts differently.  If your wife is being posative about this then thats the journey you need to be on. She will have moments when it hits her I rember saying to my Husband "I don't want to die" and he replied "I don't want you to die" then we both broke down in tears.  It may also be with having a young son you are seeing the worst because of what he will miss as well.

Once she is into the treatment cycle it gives both of you a routine and that somehow helps with the coping.  You need to talk and be honest support her as much as possible and most of all be there because although she may be  tough she will also be frightened, I know I was and what I needed most was someone to be supporting me and hugs plenty of hugs.

River

Hi Bex,

Thank you for your kind words and advice, which I will definitely take on board for the future. It really is a rollercoaster of a ride, but not in a pleasant way!

I wish you the very best too!

Cheers,

Mark

Hi River,

Thank you for your reply, which I really appreciate! And thanks in particular for sharing the conversation that you had with your husband; essentially, that is the exact same conversation that I had with my wife yesterday (including the tears afterwards). She's bottled things up for a long time, that the walls would come crashing down at some point was inevitable, I'd been expecting it.

I have heard elsewhere that once the treatment begins, things settle into more of a routine, rather than the early absolute chaos of different types of scans, referrals, and (in my wife's case) stomach drains and - more recently lung drains. My wife has her first chemo session on Monday, so we're both hoping that things get a bit more settled now. 

I wish you and your husband all the very best for the future!

Cheers,

Mark