Cancer Research UK main site

my brother and dad are both dying

mysteryboy
Offline

My brother is dying of rare blood cancer, he had brain cancer 7 years ago, ever since he was 11, it all started. I feel like this is the end after 3 bone marrow donations. My dad's diabetes is getting really bad as well, he is barly able to walk or lift anything but still works 4 days. I am 21 years old and i hate that i have to do so much work. My entire life has been spent worrying about them and giving my brother rides to the hospital for chemo and all sorts. I feel like i deserve to live my own life without having this take over my life. Is it bad that i wish they were dead? I just want a normal life like most of my friends have. Sometimes i feel like i should kill myself so i don't have to deal with this ***. We aren't rich as well, working paycheck to paycheck. I just want my damn freedom. I've pratically given up on my brother, i know the cancer will kill him soon, i feel so bad for him, he never got to live a normal life. I don't see anything good in the future to me, it's better if i end it. I'm thinking i just wait for my brother,dad, and mother to die so i can end my life aswell.

  • Offline

    Keep going keep strong things will get better for your.don't give up know one would want that for you .keep talking to people even on this forum helps 'I know it helps me . Keep in touch

  • Offline

    Hi there ...

    You've just given everything... and got nothing else to give ... but don't give up ... I'm sure if you can stand back, and do some things for you, it just may help .. 

    You need to find balance ... of what you have to do, and the time you need for you ... if you brake I'm sure your dad and brother, would be left devastated ... but to help them, you now have to put you first ...

    Reach out to McMillan free phone .. where you can talk to someone who will understand just how you feel ... they help people caring for cancer patients too .. or the nurses on here have a free phone too .. but both are here Mon to Fri .. if you feel like it's overwhelming at the week end .. phone the Samaritans. . They will listen .. and maybe someone can offer some practical help to give you space to be you again .

    You know 5 years or even less down the line, you will have lots of time to find you again.. to live with only your feelings .. l had my own black hole that I wanted to jump into years ago .. it just felt like.. I wanted the pain to stop .. but I held on for dear life, and so glad I did ... I wouldn't have met my grandkids ... I have got so much love around me now... I love every day I have now ... even after my own breast cancer ..  l know that feeling of everything crashing in on you ... but it starts with reaching out .. you've just taken the first step on here .. bend but don't brake ...

    I'm here most days, l can't take it away... but I can listen ...  sending you a big hug .. Chrissie x

  • Offline

    Hello mysteryboy,

    A big welcome to our forum where I am sure you will find support from others who have also cared for loved ones with cancer and who understand exactly how you are feeling at the moment.

    You are doing an incredible job looking after both your dad and your brother and you certainly have an enormous weight on your shoulders which can feel like too much to carry for such a young person. But as [@Clee]‍  and [@Chriss]‍ said, stay strong and don't give up you have your life ahead of you and even though it may feel a bit much at the moment, I am sure things will brighten up. You are obviously a very caring person and I am sure the future will have great things in store for you. Take heart from [@Chriss]‍ 's story, the story of her grandchildren who now give her so much joy.

    Just to follow up on what Chrissie so rightly suggested, if you need to talk to anyone at any time of day or night, get in touch with Samaritans. I think you are based in the USA so you can find out their contact details here. Give them a call when you feel like offloading a bit.

    And we are of course always here too if you need to get things off your chest.

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline

    Hi [@mysteryboy]‍ 

    tbh I could understand your frustration. My situation is not as worse as yours but similar. My young brother is diagnosed with incurable cancer and my mum has this really bad mental illness. I have stop my study twice and take care of my brother primarily becoz I care a lot about him and that my mum is not strong enough to cope with this alone. My dad is not helpful at all. When I look at my frds I wonder why can I just have a normal life why can’t I just need to take care of myself. But then eventually I realised my brother should be asking these questions, not just me. He’s only 23 with this *** rare cancer, why can’t he have fun and party like other peers? He doesn’t wanna feel weak either. 

    I am frustrated becoz my life’s put on hold and that I have to take care of two ppl (one physically and one mentally). But I know if I’m given a choice I would still stop my study and be there for them becoz I love them. 

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.