Cancer Research UK main site

Husband has terminal cancer

Susie
Offline

just wondering if anyone feels the same? We got married just 4 weeks ago because of his diagnosis, and have been together 15 years. He’s 58 and has been given 6 months to a year.

He is lovely to everyone and everybody tells me how stoic and brave he is- however he is so angry towards me all of the time. I have tried different ways to discuss this with him, but he always just says  that ‘everything ‘ is my fault ‘ and I don’t understand how he feels.

  • Offline

    Hi Susie, 

    My husband (31) also has terminal cancer, the same prognosis. We too recently got married. 

    It sounds as though your husband is very scared and is projecting his fear and anger onto you. My husband is very open emotionally so we often cry together and talk about our fears, however in the beginning my husband was extremely woe is me and any disagreement would end in "I've got cancer!!". One day he was so angry and scared pulled his NG tube all the way out and binned it (whole other story). He has since come to terms with this and is back to his lovely self and we are able to share all our emotions about the situation. 

    He is right, we don't know how they feel. But they also don't know how we feel. I am terrified of being left behind and dreading having nobody to hold and love, nobody to grow old with, laugh with, share my life with. Their fear and our fear are so different but both very valid. 

    Give him some breathing space and stay calm, it may pass. If it does not I would contact your Macmillan nurse and explain, she can offer you both an ear. Hope things get better x 

     

  • Offline

    Hello Sue

    My husband is also terminal and been given months. He also takes it out on me but like you say nice to everyone else. It is so difficult to cope with. He was in hospital overnight on Monday and when he came home said how tired he was with not sleeping in there. I said I know I didn't sleep at all either. His reply I don't know why you couldn't sleep. You're OK. They have no idea how we feel and that we are just as scared.

    Hoping he is nicer to you when he comes to term with everything. That's what I'm hoping for us. Difficult to bight your tongue all the time  If I answer back sometimes I just feel guilty 

    Thinking of you both

    Sue

  • Offline

    I know how he feels, I think he loves you so much if he is nasty towards you subconsciously he thinks when the time comes you won’t be hurt as much. Silly as it sounds I was like that, I know now it doesn’t work like that , but that’s my opinion, I hope everything goes smoothly for you..

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.