Hi there ..

So sorry your mum has this diagnosis ... I had a grade 3 Brest cancer and had my mastectomy last July..

I'm not medically trained so can't say about your mum's cancer, but as someone thats been where your mum is, I know I couldn't see my son or talk to him for a while after being told ... I needed to digest all I'd been told, and needed to sort my head out .. once I got all those emotions out , angry, scared and lots of tears .. but only then could l let my son in, as it was too much to bear to see his face looking so worried .

So if your mum's anything like me, if you just tell her, your right there when she's ready to let you in .. she will need you, l needed my son ... once the initial  shock goes,  you can both walk this journey together .. and I'm still here doing o.k 13 months down the line .. 

All those feelings your having are normal, we all go through them .. but there's always someone here if you need a chat .. I hope you get more info, that you want .. maybe @ask the nurses , will pick up your thread .. they are the best ones to help you .. sending you a vertual hug ... Chrissie  x

Hi Woggles,

Sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis and that you are having to go through this as a daughter (I've been on that side twice).

I think your best starting point for info is Cancer Research's own pages here https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/breast-cancer/stages-types-grades

All the terminology can get confusing, especially at first with DCIS, IDC, stages and grades.  And survival rates tend not to be monitored after 5 years which can come across more negative than it is.

Give your mum some time.  I was diagnosed at stage 3 and am currently undergoing chemotherapy and you have a lot going through your head, it can take time to get to grips with it yourself.  I had everything straight in my own head before talking to others as I didn't want to say anything wrong or upset them needlessly.

If you must Google then stick to official sites like Cancer Research and MacMillan, you will find all sorts of nonsense elsewhere.  But it's important to remember that if you look at survival rates these are always out of date!  They are always looking at a max of the last 5 years so that is patients that were diagnosed 5 years ago.  Treatment is always improving and survival rates steadily improve so all of us that were diagnosed this year will appear in survival rates statistics in 2023, which will most likely be better than those of 2018.

I'm not one for false hope, but while cancer is an evil beast it is still not entirely understood and weird things can happen.  My mum has beaten it twice now and both times it didn't look good at all.  My friend has an incurable, inoperable brain tumour that should have killed her 18 years ago and she is now back working part-time with two kids, still with this tumour randomly having stopped growing.

As I say, I don't want to do false hope, but just stress that it's best to take each day as it comes.  Easier said than done I know.

Like Chriss I'm not a qualified medic just experience from my cancer and my mum's, lots of ladies on here like us happy and willing to talk to you as and when you need.  I've found this place invaluable.

Best wises,

LJx