Hi there ..

Try not to be too hard on your self ... chemo is really hard .. and if he was o.k before the chemo, then it is more then likely the cancer plus chemo talking .. so many have said it wipes them out .. others get through it o.k ... everyone is different ... 

If he insists on going then as hard as it is, it is his choice .. we loose so much control on this journey,  that maybe it's his way of doing something he wants to do ... cancer is like the scariest rollercoaster ride you can have ... with highs and lows, and a feeling you can't get off ...

So as hard as it is, try to stay chilled ... there's enough pressure from all angles ... he needs calm now, even if you panic inside ... I'm sure once your calmer, he may be too ... I'm sure he knows deep down how bad it could be ... but is so wanting to control one part of his life ... hang in there ... maybe give him some space for awile, and he may come round .. good luck... Chrissie 

Hi Chrissie 

Thank.you I'm.tryimg to give him space and.let him.do what he wants he works even if it wipes him.out I offer to help he says.no I.just. go do my.own thing. I work full time.so not.about  10 hours a day,.but in drive a truck and.now my.own.memtal.health.problems.are.rearing their ugly head. Typical worry wart 

Thank.so. much I'll try harder to give him more space.

Lizzie 

Some people ( like me ) when they love there partner so much and are unwell often push their partner  family and friends away from themselves . I feel this is because they think if the worse does happen their loved ones will not feel so bad having been pushed away, making it easier for them to cope. But that’s just my opinion..I do wish you well and hope all turns out fine..Tony 

Hi Tony.

Thank you, I understand that he is trying to protect me, well I'm.hoping so.

I love him to bits, even if he is a stubborn pain in the ads. It just seems that his skanky friends at that market are more important than me, and that hurts a lot.

Its so hard not to want to protect him, the mother side of.me.i guess. The way it is there are two people the one who has the cancer and the one who does not have cancer, I'm going through all the same emotions that he is, will he be cured will the side effects be terrible, what do i do if he can't work, can't walk, is in constant pain? Does he still.love me,.Yes he says he does, I'm.i being silly because I'm.in tears a lot,. You kinda.get the picture.

I don't have a support.network.its.just.me.2 horses and the dog and my best friend my partner.

Thank you so.muxh for your thoughts and I wish u.well

Lizzie 

Hi Lizzie..

Sorry you have to go through this. Is it hard on all and often more so for the loved ones of people with cancer. I would say he is grown up and needs to make decisions for himself. He needs to see his friends and do the things he loves to keep him going. Getting stressed and upset will lower his immune system further and that won’t help him either, is this right.?  I guess all you can do is to remind him of the advice that was given to him by the onco team. .

bw

Hi bw, 

Thank.yoi for the advise, I didn't stop him going, in his mind I did. I as you quite rightly said reminded him of the consequences of being in a place that has rats droppings, dogs, live stock, and children and people who are coughing, sick, got all sorts of ailments, and healthy as well. He decided not to go, "but I stopped him" 

He is welcome to go,I've told him but I won't go in case I pick up something and pass it on.

Thank you for replying 

Lizzie 

Aww  Lizzie I do feel for you because I know that pain, my wife became so ill she couldn’t get to the bathroom and had to sleep downstairs, I nursed her without help for almost a year then she was diagnosed with colon cancer and went into a Hospice while she was there my sister was admitted with throat cancer they were in opposite rooms. My sister died and shortly after so did my wife, I was devastated, like you she was my best friend, for the first time I was alone, but worse all my family and so called friends abandoned me, most hurtful were the ones who said if you want to talk or want anything just let me know, they always had an excuse or something else to do..so be aware that could happen to you, I was told this happens often.  I hope it doesn’t happen to you and your partner recovers completely and things go back to normal for you both, being lonely is the pits.

But do take care wishing you well.  Tony.

Hi Tony, 

Aww that sounds awful, and in so sorry to hear about your losses. I find that people don't quite abandon you that merely don't know what to say or deal with you. I'm sure it wasn't meant to be hurtful.but you would know them better than I. I choose to be without people complicating my life. I think there is a song out there some.of the lyrics are loneliness is or has always been a friend of mine,.but yes loneliness sucks,.it's always the wee small hours, when the insomnia hits and it's dark, and not a living soul seems to be about. I don't have a support network, which is not the best thing in the world,but it is what it is. I'm.pretty strong as a person and most things in.life that have been thrown at me, I've just got off my knees put on my old batter tin hat and carried on, ready for the next brick wall to smack me round the head.im a survivor as I expect you are? HIM having cancer has kinda floored me but it's not the diagnosis of cancer it's the shuting out and being the bad person that hurts the most,.because I have never been a bad person, I'm just speak my.mind and tell.it how it is, I can't do right for doing wrong, laughs if that makes sense.

Anyhow I'm.gonna send you virtual hugs no more than i would anyone else, 

Kind regards 

Lizzie