Cancer Research UK main site

How to support my boyfriend?

Ella400
Offline

My boyfriend of 3 years has recently been diagnosed with cancer but is really struggling and doesn't want to talk to me about it. It's in his small intestine but he won't tell me about the stage or anything like that. He just keeps telling me not to worry.

I have been working away but have been back this week and found out he is having chemo (he told me he wasn't) and because he doesn't want me to see him being sick he hasn't taken his medication properly.

I understand that he is trying to protect me (my dad died from bowel cancer 5 years ago) but feel scared. Whenever I try to talk to him about it we end up arguing which I really don't want.

I really don't know how to best support both him and me at the moment and would appreciate any advice. 

Thanks

  • Offline

    Hi Ella...

    I can only tell you what I'd do, on the info I've read ... 

    I would write to him .. because you can't interrupt a letter ... or quarrel ... I'd tell him, l know he's doing this alone to protect me ... and I'd admit I'm scared .. but I'd tell him im more scared not knowing ... that by protecting me, isn't what I need right now .. I'd tell him im going nowhere ... and that if it's too hard to see me, I'll respect that, and stay in the shadows ... but only till he's ready to let you in ... if he sees there's no pressure , he may be then would slowly let you in.. but you have to do it at his pace ... and ask him even if it's too painfull to see you right now .. maybe he could call you and just chat ..

    He's probly quarelling with you, because your not listening to him .. really listen ... and if you can stand back a tad ... and stay calm and let him lead the way, weather it's space or just keeping things light ..

    I have cancer too .. and know that's what my loved ones did for me ... they let me walk my cancer journey , holding my hand and listening to me ... my son was at first like you ... and I couldn't bare to look at his face and see the worry and panic ... but when I got everything I needed out of my head ... I let him in, and he had his head together too ... and then I could see him and let him hold my hand through my journey ..

    So I'm sending you a big hug ... do this right and you won't loose him ... Chrissie

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Thank you for taking the time to write such a kind reply. 

    We have spoken a little today and agreed some space will do us both good.

    I will try writing a letter like you suggest

  • Offline in reply to Ella400

    Good luck Ella ... don't give up ... he needs you more then you think ... you can do this ...

    Will be thinking of you ...  x

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.