Hi Susan. I’m so sorry that you are going through this with your lovely mom. I can’t believe how similar your story is to mine with my mother!

My mom also had breast cancer, that was two years ago. It was treated and she seemed fine. But then in February this year she was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread to her breast and her leg (which I think means bones).

During her last three weeks (including 10 days in ICU), it was the roller coaster from hell. I would literally think she was dying and be crying so much. Then the next day, there would be a bit of hope!

When they transferred her to palliative care the roller coaster went wild. I became certain she was dying and started preparing myself for it. Then four days before she passed she suddenly seemed almost normal!!!! She was sitting up, we were chatting, she was famished and requested a cheese burger from McDonald’s! A rare indulgence for her! She also enjoyed a coffee, and a donut. We were talking about politics (her favourite subject). I was suddenly filled with so much hope! But I knew that she’d probably be very tired the next day. Because for a long time my mom hardly ever had two good days in a row. Particularly if there was any kind of excitement.

I couldn’t have prepared myself for the next day. It was just so beyond what any of her worst days had ever looked like. And so the roller coaster was on the move again, and once again I was worried. But then two days later she was able to talk again! She was wanting to drink coffee, and was eating a bit. So I started to have hope again.

Even the morning before she passed, there was a glimmer of hope. She was able to talk a bit. But then they sedated her. Then there was the syringe driver. We never saw her awake again, and she passed the next day. 

I wish I’d known that this was common! As Chriss says, when those moments of clarity happen, grab it with both hands!!!! Say what you need to say. It is a gift we are given.

Sending warm wishes and strenth your way.