Terminal Cancer in Denial

is it normal for someone to stay in denial for over a year? Since the diagnosis, my brother who was diagnosed a year ago has planned a trip that seems very unrealistic and if I mention that he should prepare if he can’t go and passes he gets very upset. His mobility has decreased significantly in the last few months and everything that happens to I’m in terms of pulling a muscle or getting weaker seems to be something else and not the cancer. When should a carer tell the patient that he needs to get realistic? It’s really difficult to plan anything or help other people in the grieving process as though if anyones talk about death then they are the one letting him down. 

  • Hiya Lotty.  I am sorry you have all this to worry about.  I don't know if you are in touch with MacMillan Cancer Support; I know I have read discussions on their website about this very issue.  If you would like to give them a ring their Freefone number is 0808 808 0000 Mon-Fri 9am-8pm); they are used to dealing with so many issues relating to a cancer diagnosis.  In the meantime sometimes you have to realise that you are not going to achieve anything and let things take their course; not easy I realise.  A family cancer diagnosis is difficult enough to cope with; please try to get some advice.  Best wishes.  Annie

  • Hi. What a very difficult situation. It's so painful to hear that kind of diagnosis that I think sometimes people find it easier to pretend that it isn't really as serious as it really is. I certainly think this was the case with my mother. She was diagnosed with cancer that had spread and was not curable. She seemed to understand it the day of the diagnosis. But as the days and weeks passed, she didn't talk about it and instead talked about getting better and going home. She renewed a magazine subscription for 2 years. I honestly didn't have the heart to question her whether it was a good idea. She thought that although the cancer couldn't be cured it could at least be treated. But I'm not sure if realized that there was a difference...I kind of think that in her mind, treated/slowed down was the same as making it go away. In any case, having that hope enabled to her to live each day in a happier state of mind. Recently her doctor has told her she is dying and that the cancer can't be treated at all. Now she has lost hope completely and wants to die.