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My mum has cancer

josiejump
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I'm 18 and my mother has been dealing with breast cancer for the past year and it is mostly gone but she has told me that she is scared it will come back and that she wouldn't want to live if it came back because she can't face the chemotherapy again. I just don't really know what to say to her or how to make her happy and also I keep having invasive thoughts about losing her and I just don't know how I or my family would go on without her. I don't really know what the point of this post was but I wondered if anyone else is in a similar situation or has advice that would help me make my mum happier and less scared 

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    Hi josiejump. Welcome to the forum.

    The fear of recurrence is something that all cancer patients worry about from time to time. In my case, the fear that my prostate cancer might return was quite debilitating, and I needed to have counselling to help me get to grips with it. Over time, however, the fear has diminished, although I dare say it will always be there. 

     

    Of course, when under stress we tend to say things we don't really mean, but I doubt your mother would actually refuse more treatment if the worst happened, just as I wouldn't refuse treatment if it happens to me. I've got a lot more mandolin playing to do, and I'm sure your mother wants to see you happily married with a family of your own. 

    When your mother speaks about recurrence, tell her that the time to cross that bridge is when you get to it, and there's no point worrying about something that may never happen. 

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    Hi Josie... telemando is right, l think we all live with that fear ... and your mum is no different ... so as she's doin o.k at the moment ... maybe just letting her talk about feelings will help ... my loved ones listened to everything I wanted to do... and l even wrote my letters to them... felt better once I'd done it, then put them in a memory box and they've been there 8 months now, and hopefully a lot longer too ..

    I try living in the day .. making every day count ... finding something every day that makes me smile ... even had xmas in Florida ... believe me, sitting waiting will make things worse ... no one knows what tomorrow will bring ... so enjoy each day ... have fun together ... see if there's something she wants to do .. or somewhere she'd like to go ... baby steps .. we all have days we want to cry, scream ... but it's about doing that and getting back up ... and jumping back on board ... 

    You can both do this ... don't waste a day ... coz that's what cancer wants you to do .. lay down and give up ... by making each day count, it like sticking two fingers up to cancer ... sending you a big hug .. Chrissie xx

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