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Husband rude to children and refuses to talk to anyone.

June08
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Hi all,

My husband has stage 4 lung cancer and rather than accepting the love and support of his family he is pushing us away. I have helped him for almost two years and been there whilst we were living abroad when we had no other help. I am trying to keep my children positive and helping them whilst encouraging my husband to talk to me but he is proud and wants to hide from everyone. Somethings he is doing are really hurting me and my children. We are renting a house he hates but wherever we go he will feel the same way. I have called everyon I know who can talk to him, suggested using a diary etc but it is an impossible situation. We have many times in the past before he got sick where he has been negative and moody. I totally respect he needs space but I cannot continue like this.

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    Hello Hartney and welcome to this forum.  So sorry about the problems you are going through, made even more difficult by the attitude taken by your husband.  I don't have any easy answers to this but didn't want you to wait longer for a response so am copying some information from this website about why cancer patients become angry sometimes.

    www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../guilt-blame-anger

    I don't know if this tells you anything you don't know and it is clear that you have tried everything you can imagine to try to reach him.  But I am pleased you have come here to tell us what you are going through and hope that someone can help you.  Have you tried ringing MacMillan Cancer Support (Freefone 0808 808 0000) - they seem to know all the possible permutations of how cancer can affect people and give help to people caring for cancer patients.   Best wishes.  Annie

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    Hi Hartney,

    Your story sounds very familiar, not that that is any help.

    Is he receiving any treatment for his negative moods? Cancer is bad enough to cope with but if you are prone to depression, or even if you're just a grumpy b*gger, the stress of having cancer can often exaggerate your negative behaviours.

    If he wants time on his own, let him have it. Get out of the house and have some "me time" - take the day off from being a carer. It might do you both good. It is hard to appreciate the care someone is giving you if it is constant. Even the nicest of us go stir-crazy if we're with someone all the time. 

    Look after yourself, give yourself a break - it sounds like you need and deserve one!

    Best wishes

    Dave

  • Offline in reply to Annieliz

    Thank you this has helped open a dialogue at least. I sent the link to him- sometimes it helps to see things in black and white.

  • Offline in reply to davek

    Hi Dave,

    It is such a relief to have some advice here thank you. Just to know we are not going crazy! 

    Thank you and best wishes.

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