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Losing my mother to lung cancer

Jbj1986
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Such a hard thing to talk about. My mom was first diagnosed with small cell lung cancer about eight months ago. Went through radiation and chemo. Everything seemed to be going well. The mass was shrinking. She had some rough days dealing with the side effects. But I guess we had expected that. Finally got all the treatment done. Had hoped it was beat. Went back for some follow ups about a month later. The cancer had came back. Original mass was still almost gone but a new had appeared near her breast and another between her liver and stomach. I will remember that day forever. Seeing mom's tear run down her eye but she did not break down. Grabbing her hand to try to comfort her. She is such a strong woman. She a already made her mind up that she was not going to go for any more treatment. The Dr said it would only prolong the inevitable. She didn't want to deal with the effects of the chemo again if it would only prolong. So after that day I decided to start staying with her through the week. Still working but spending the nights and weekends. I would stay at my house some nights and i feel guilty about that. She still had good energy. We had a good Christmas. After the first though it seemed to have gone down hill pretty quickly. Is now bed ridden I guess you could say. She still gets up sometimes and wants to walk around. Which can not be done without assistance. Getting harder just to get her to the toilet and back. With the meds and her body shutting down she seems out of it most of the time. Its so hard to she her like this. She is such an energetic woman who was always doing something. We have a good family. My aunt has stayed with me a lot to help. Which I thank the Lord for. I could not handle this by myself I don't think. So now it's just spending time with her. Watching over her. Trying to do the best we can till the Lord calls her home. I remember when we first got the news and I told her I wanted to come stay with her. I told her I was just worried about what the doctor said. My mom told me then that we have to be strong for each other. I respect her so much for that. She still worries about my brother and I despite going through all this. Just wanted to tell a little bit of our story. I have been reading a lot on this site and many others of other people and their stories. It sucks. Cancer sucks. But I'm just trying to stay positive and do the best I can. To be strong for my mom. 

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    Hello JBJ1986.  Thank you for telling us your story.  On a forum with lots of sad stories each individual tale still has the power to resonate and create sadness for those involved and those who read.  Although your mum's decision sounds logical and sensible I know that it belies all the heartache beneath it.

    Mums never stop worrying about their children; what happens to themselves is always secondary as we mums know so well.  You are a great daughter, respecting her wishes and doing everything possible to get her through this no matter how painful it is for yourself.

    You may have already had contact with, for instance, MacMillan Cancer Support.  If not you might wish to ask them for help as your mum gets weaker.  You are a strong loving family but don't worry about having to ask for help.

    The poet John Donne said  "No man is an island.  Any man's death diminishes me."  I think this is nowhere more true than in the cancer community who care so much about the fate of all the others similarly suffering.

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    My mum has just been diagnosed with small cell too, I’m so sorry for what your going through x

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    Not sure whether this is the right place to post this but needed to talk. My mom was diagnosed with nsclc in dec. She became ill in nov and couldn't breath so after a visit to the gp she was sent for xrays which showed a massive on her lung and fluid on the lung. After seeing a lung specialists and having tests she was told that it was inoperable stage 4 lung cancer. She was referred to onocology and we were told that with chemo she could possibly have 12 months to live. This all happened in a month. As you can imagine this was a massive shock and the bottom fell out of our world. She has started chemo and had 4 cycles so far, the xrays show that the 3 tumours have shrunk but her symptoms are not improving. Most days she is out of breath and has some pain, she has a permanent chest drain which is drained most days to help her breath. Its a consent worry as she never really tells us the truth about what's going on or how she is feeling. Every time i see her i look and wonder how will we cope without her being here everyday. My mom has been amazing from the beginning. She is so strong and never cries but unfortunately I do all the time. I find it hard to hold it together. I have 2 children both very young, one is only a tiny baby and I look at him and think you will never remember your nanny which breaks my heart. You never think something like this will happen to your family, it's something other people deal with. I feel guilty crying and feeling so sad all the time but I just can't seem to deal with it. I hide away from people so they can't see how I am as I just don't want to talk about it as people always tell me that everything will be ok as miracles happen.

  • Offline in reply to 1984pf

    I had to re-read the first few paragraphs of your post as your story is so similar to my own. My mum was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer in December 2018 and we found out today the chemo unfortunately has not been as successful as we all hoped. Some of the tumours have grown. Starting immunotherapy next but it's felt like a blow. 

     

    I too try and stay strong. I have a 4year old who needs me, I also work as a counsellor which is very challenging at present as I'm struggling with my own journey. I find I am snappy at times and this comes with terrible guilt. I am angry that I am facing losing my best friend and being left with my father who i do not have a good relationship with, and again, the guilt associated with those thoughts and feelings. Also today mum told me she is scared of dying - and this broke my heart because I can't take this fear away for her, and I fear it too.

     

    I'm sorry I can't offer words of huge comfort, but please know you aren't alone, and that as hard as it is I'm so grateful for the awesome mum I have and that I get this time to ensure I tell her how loved and appreciated she is.

     

    Take care xx 

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