Hello JBJ1986.  Thank you for telling us your story.  On a forum with lots of sad stories each individual tale still has the power to resonate and create sadness for those involved and those who read.  Although your mum's decision sounds logical and sensible I know that it belies all the heartache beneath it.

Mums never stop worrying about their children; what happens to themselves is always secondary as we mums know so well.  You are a great daughter, respecting her wishes and doing everything possible to get her through this no matter how painful it is for yourself.

You may have already had contact with, for instance, MacMillan Cancer Support.  If not you might wish to ask them for help as your mum gets weaker.  You are a strong loving family but don't worry about having to ask for help.

The poet John Donne said  "No man is an island.  Any man's death diminishes me."  I think this is nowhere more true than in the cancer community who care so much about the fate of all the others similarly suffering.

My mum has just been diagnosed with small cell too, I’m so sorry for what your going through x

Not sure whether this is the right place to post this but needed to talk. My mom was diagnosed with nsclc in dec. She became ill in nov and couldn't breath so after a visit to the gp she was sent for xrays which showed a massive on her lung and fluid on the lung. After seeing a lung specialists and having tests she was told that it was inoperable stage 4 lung cancer. She was referred to onocology and we were told that with chemo she could possibly have 12 months to live. This all happened in a month. As you can imagine this was a massive shock and the bottom fell out of our world. She has started chemo and had 4 cycles so far, the xrays show that the 3 tumours have shrunk but her symptoms are not improving. Most days she is out of breath and has some pain, she has a permanent chest drain which is drained most days to help her breath. Its a consent worry as she never really tells us the truth about what's going on or how she is feeling. Every time i see her i look and wonder how will we cope without her being here everyday. My mom has been amazing from the beginning. She is so strong and never cries but unfortunately I do all the time. I find it hard to hold it together. I have 2 children both very young, one is only a tiny baby and I look at him and think you will never remember your nanny which breaks my heart. You never think something like this will happen to your family, it's something other people deal with. I feel guilty crying and feeling so sad all the time but I just can't seem to deal with it. I hide away from people so they can't see how I am as I just don't want to talk about it as people always tell me that everything will be ok as miracles happen.

I had to re-read the first few paragraphs of your post as your story is so similar to my own. My mum was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer in December 2018 and we found out today the chemo unfortunately has not been as successful as we all hoped. Some of the tumours have grown. Starting immunotherapy next but it's felt like a blow. 

I too try and stay strong. I have a 4year old who needs me, I also work as a counsellor which is very challenging at present as I'm struggling with my own journey. I find I am snappy at times and this comes with terrible guilt. I am angry that I am facing losing my best friend and being left with my father who i do not have a good relationship with, and again, the guilt associated with those thoughts and feelings. Also today mum told me she is scared of dying - and this broke my heart because I can't take this fear away for her, and I fear it too.

I'm sorry I can't offer words of huge comfort, but please know you aren't alone, and that as hard as it is I'm so grateful for the awesome mum I have and that I get this time to ensure I tell her how loved and appreciated she is.

Take care xx