I just learned about a week ago that my father has stage 4 cancer - he will most likely not see Christmas. He is a heavy smoker. He has coughed since he was in his 30's - he is 79 now. I have always expected to get a call that he is sick or heart attack, something bad. But years and years passed and no call--- till the 5th of this month. And to be told that he has such a short time to live is hitting me very hard.

I am not a 15 year old, and I do not live with him. I can't imagine how hard this is on you and the rest of your family. Teenhood is hard enough without the added stress of having a sick parent. You may have to grow up real fast, and growing up means accepting responsibilities.

There is a lot you can do for your mom other than making sure she takes her meds and gets to her treatment. You can read a book together, sing songs, ask her questions about her childhood and teenage years........you can bond with her, get close with her. Find out what her dreams are, what her bucket list would be. You can share your dreams with her, b/c she might not be around to see your dreams become realities. This is the time to share stuff with your mom, this is all the time she has to imprint on you. Instead of feeling left out - stay involved.

My father and mother divorced when I was 4 years old. He got another wife, and we have never really seen eye to eye. He had 2 sons with the new wife and kind of put me on the back burner so to speak. I saw him on holidays and summer vacations, but I always felt like a visitor, not a family member. It hurt, and I carry that pain with me even now. I am in my 50's and still just a visitor in my dad's life for how ever many weeks he has left. 

My dad is very angry that he is dying. I asked him about a bucket list and he said he doesn't have one, nor the time to do anything. He is basically accepting he is already dead. I wished he would have answered something like he always regretted not getting to know me better.......

I would sit by his bed and read him a book, or even just watch TV with him, but he told me he does not want me to watch him die - kinda kicking me to the curb....... it hurts.

I really don't know what the answers are......I just know that when someone you love is dying......a lot of hurt is always present. If there is anyway you can make just some small things positive DO IT. Do it now, while there is still time.

Oh hunny , my heart brakes for you ... it’s not fare feeling so alone at your age ... we’ve had a few loved ones going in our family which effected the young ones involved... confused, feeling left out, angry and not knowing what to do or say ... when someone just “listening “ to how you feel honestly... but a lot of times grown ups want to protect the young ones , thinking the truth would be too hard to take... and in trying to protect them , actually can make that young one feel lonely and lost ... 

i listened to my lil niece when her step dad , who she loved very much ... died suddenly when he was feeling poorly and choked on his vomit and he was only 29 ... it looked like she didn’t care as she was out and stayed at her friends all the time ... her mum thought she didn’t really care and couldn’t understand and they had cross words .. I went and picked her up and sat in my car while she just talked and cryed and explained how, when she went home it was like this sad cloud had descended on her wonderful mum and home ... everything had changed ... and she wanted to go back in time and change what happened... she missed him with all her heart ... but now everything she said or did she felt was wrong .. and her mum and her weren’t seeing eye to eye and she felt it was all her fault ... when I took her home, I relayed how she felt and they hugged and cryed together... but realised they was looking in two different directions, and they then realised listening was so important ...

my heart brakes that you feel so alone ... what about writting down a letter about how you feel... a gentle loving letter ... tell them how confused and lonely you feel ... even scared at times because you don’t know what’s happening... in letters we can say all what’s in our hearts without someone saying “but” in doing this try to LISTEN to them to ... I always tell my lads the truth and in the gentalist way I can ... and we cry together and hug .. and walk this life together hand in hand .. but it’s not a miracle solution... it takes time .. and lots of ups and downs ... if you still find it hard I think McMillan free phone or the one on here will listen if you need just to talk ... please let me know how you go ... I will always listen if you need to talk ... you can send me a friend message if you ever feel sad or lost ... please hold on in there ... 

big hug .... Chrisie xx ️

So sorry to hear your story too ... I can’t imagine how your feeling ... I just know I’d be so proud to have a child /grown up that would do for me, what your doing now ... it’s a shame but this cancer does make people angry at the world ... it try’s to take away everything and make our worlds dark and painful... it sometimes try’s to eat away at our very souls , and it can effect all those who are trying to help us ... but what you are doing is so amazing ... your dad sounds a very independent man and it’s probably braking his heart , knowing it’s hard for everyone especially his kids to see him like this ... I can empathise as that’s one of my wishes is to not let the people I hold so close see me near an end to this life ... but every time you do that it will give him a lovely memory of you even though it looks like he’s pushing you away... it’s a thing people do when they really care about someone... my thoughts are with you ... hang on in there ... Chrisie xx

Hi huni my mum passed from cancer this year and it was the hardest thing iv ever dealt with my heart was ripped out but while my mum was ill I came onto this site and the support was amazing there are people to talk to. I know wat u mean about feeling mad its not fair that it's happening to ur mum I really feel for u hun it's a horrible illness wen my mum was ill I was on my own caring for mum she slept allday n awake most of nite it was hard but I had to be strong as my mum was the strongest person I know if you need to talk even if just to scream I'm here xx

Hello, this post was over a year ago. I am now 16 years old my mom is 65. Too fully tell what has been happening in the past year would be too much. But my mom got better and was able to walk again. She even returned to work this summer and started working during the week. She still went through chemo but she was gaining back her energy. The cancer was reduced to a small mass in her lung and the rest of her cancer went away in her body. It was all so good she started taking me too school again we went to dinner for the first time in a long time. But little did i know that it would be the last time. My moms cancer came back to her brain. She started acting very angry and irrationally one day forcing my dad to call paramedics to the house but she refused treatment. She got an mri showing that there was a 7 mm tumor in one of her frontal lobes. The doctor said that it could be removed easily but his main concern was he saw fuzziness in her brains lining that could possibly be very bad. But he couldn’t know for certain without another mri which my mom refused. He told my dad it was a life or death matter and couldn’t wait for too much more than a week. My mom refused treatment and we never got another mri. My dad says even if she did get one the doctor said treatment wouldn’t help. Right now my mom is very close to death. She hardly eats or drinks. It’s very difficult for her to get around because her body is weak and we recently went into the ER and learned she has a compression fracture in her lower back. She peed herself the other day and fell down after trying to get up.Me and my dad are always with her to make sure she does not fall. It’s a very hard time for me and my dad, my dad is doing the best he can and makes sure she’s happy and cared for. It’s amazing to see the love he has for her and makes me happy that she is so loved by him. Before all of this happened me and my moms relationship got better and i’m thankful for that. Right now we are not sure of how long she will still be here and sometimes i just get so mad thinking about it because this isn’t what was supposed to happen. i don’t want to loose her. I wanted h r to see my graduation, my kids, my wedding. The worlds not fair and i write this at 4 am crying not knowing what to do and it makes me wonder how i will take her passing. I haven’t come to this site in awhile but decided to come back because it’s nice to hear that there are people who care and have been through or witnessed similar struggles. If you made it this far thank you for reading. 

Thank you so much, she’s gotten to the point where she sleeps all days and according to my dad it will probably stay this way until she passes. I heard it is possible for her to hear me talking regardless that she is asleep and i’m wondering if you know anything about this? There are a lot of things that went unsaid, and I know i should have said them earlier i just couldn’t bring myself to do it yet it’s too sad. My dad still hasn’t brought himself to bring down the christmas tree, he says my mom was so happy to see him put it up and she was scared it would be her last christmas and I told him we don’t have to take it down. I know my dad is hurting, they were together for 33 years and he’s losing the love of his life. I’m losing my mother, and i knew of course eventually i would lose my parents but it just feels to soon but i suppose that’s life. I’ve realized that for almost the past 2 years i’ve been in a form of denial. I didn’t think my mom would die when we learnt she had cancer, i thought it was impossible in a way because she’s my mom. But it hit me the other night that it’s permanent and there isn’t much time left, that all of this was really happening. And i think i still switch back and forth from reality and what i wish were true. Because letting in the reality hurts. 

Hi there ...

Oh my, life sure sucks ... l wish l could make things o.k, like in the films ... but real life is crule ... if you still have time, tell her all you want to say ... I've heard the hearing is the last thing to leave us ... so you just may still have time ... Marie Currie help everyone effected with or loosing someone to cancer ... they might be able to get you councilling... and you can talk to people there to ... go on their website ... tell them your age ... 

Well I'm sending you one of my nanny hugs ... Chrissie