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Brother is terminally ill

Rebecca36
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My brother is only 44 and has terminal cancer which has spread to his bones, liver and lungs..

it is the most awful thing to witness and so distressing.

im finding it really difficult to cope, I have recently gone back to work after a year of maternity leave and I rely on my mum to look after my daughter twice a week, however I cannot put this pressure on her at the moment as she needs to be there for my brother.  

He he is in hospital with fluid on the lungs and is in a really bad way. We are just hoping he is strong enough to pull through so we can get him home and create some lovely memories for him.

while everything is so up in the air I have asked for 2 weeks off work for compassionate leave as I need to support my mum and dad and be there for my brother. However then what happens ? My job is really demanding and finding it difficult to cope with a 1 year old as it is. I'm moving house next week and the list of things to worry about is increasing.

my boss is understanding to a certain point, however I can't face going back to work after the 2 weeks as I don't want to miss out on my brother as I won't get this time back !!! When I work I'm so tired and I miss my daughter that I just want to go home to her and put her to bed - I already feel the connection with us is going as in so distant all the time... I feel she can sense the strain 

I just need some advise really both practical and emotional. Is anyone else out there going through something similar? 

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    A lot going on  in your life you can only do so much having a little one is hard work you need to pace yourself as you work as well be kind to yourself  have you got a partner your mum acnd dad will understand it is difficult with a little one I wish him well good luck from jean

  • Offline in reply to Skarratt123

    Is your wee one at nursery or childminder? Either way, its definitely worth keeping them informed.

    It's normal to worry about your child becoming distant when they go into childcare. But even the best nursery key worker or childminder will never be as good as Mummy! Don't worry or beat yourself up about it. 

    Is it practical to visit brother after you've put your littlie to bed? A 30minute visit at 7pm or similar?

    Can you arrange your compassionate leave as one day a week, or 2 afternoons a week, rather than a straight block of time? That way you could have a block of time to be with your brother, for a longer period of time. It might not be something your employer can do, but maybe worth asking. Alternatively would compressed hours work? So longer days 4 days a week in return for an early finish one day?

    Are you in a position to pay someone to come in to do the cleaning/ironing once a week? Use  supermarket delivery service, it saves loads of time once set up. You could do same for your parents, arranging for delivery when cleaner is in? 

    Do do you have friends who you can ask for practical support? E.g., bringing cooked food, etc. People often want to help but don't know how.

     

    its very tough to be pulled in different directions like this, so take care of yourself, too.

     

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