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My dad is given months to live, what do i do?

HassanI
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So dont really know if i have come to right place but im just very sad , confused , angry and feeling lonely my dad was diagnosed with cancer about 2 years ago on my birthday. To be honest i always thought to myself he would get better dad, he was orignally diagnosed with bladder cancer stage 2. He ended up getting a stoma bag and for about a 3 to 4 months he was looking a lot better and i had a lot of hope for him. My hope was that i was able to see my dad graduate university which would have just been amazing. Today i came back from university today going in to the hospital because he was feeling sick now today they have told me that he only has a couple of months to live. Me i just kept crying and i said to him your a fighter in which he looked at me with his brown eyes and just stared back at me and said i will, but deep down in his eyes i could see he was tired with this. My sister and mother where in the room aswell, my mums been through a lot loseing her own dad at the age of 18. To be honest i dont know what i am doing anymore i keep crying and thinking to myself my dad has yet to see the rest of my life and has yet to see the man i have become. i just hope that some could tell me something that he will be okay. i sit her in a dark room al by myself just contstanly crying and thinking about him. Just wondering what should i do next?    

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    Hi Hassan_Iqbal2812, 

    I just wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear that your dad has only been given months to live, and I also want to say that there's nothing I can really say to make you feel better. I wish there was something we could do to make ourselves feel better in this situation, but sometimes life is not easy. :( I can relate to what you have said as my dad has Stage 4 Prostate Cancer, and I am in university as well. I'm a little older than you, but I also want my dad to see my graduation, see my children, see me get married, but to know that may not be a reality, it can be very heartbreaking. Do you have any friends or family you can talk to about this? I don't know if you would be open to it, but i have found that speaking to a therapist has helped me a lot in this situation. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone in feeling this way, and please feel free to write on here at anytime. 

    Oh, I also wanted to say that I know your dad won't want you to be sad, maybe try to do something, or try to find atleast one thing in the day that makes you happy. I know right now things don't look promising, but maybe you can try to find one thing that makes you happy for your dad. I know your dad loves you, and I'm sure he's an amazing man.

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    Hi there, I'm sorry for what you and your family are going through. My step dad was diagnosed on Friday with pancreatic cancer and yesterday we were told it's inoperable and that we have months rather than years. It's all happened so quickly since he was taken poorly on Xmas eve and I'm in shock. I too keep crying, feeling numb then I feel okay for an hour or two and then it all hits me again like waves. I'm sad for my mum and him that they have to face this, life can be so unfair sometimes. I'm due to be getting married this year too and have recently had a baby, making it all feel very bitter sweet. I'm just taking the hours and days as they come and bit by bit we will walk through this dark scary place. Is amazing how lonely it can feel even though so many people are going through this. My heart goes out to everyone effected by cancer. Writing on here helps me a little to express my pain and fears. I hope you can take some comfort in doing that too x God Bless
  • Offline in reply to GiftThePresent

    I just want to say you are a very amazing induvidual, to be going through this aswell i constanly think that he's going to get better and just walk out of the hospital, and we can go back to normal like how life was pre - cancer. I love him to bits but when i see him, i see the same person who was there for me all of the times when i was down and he lifted me up, and now hes weak fragile and every single damn time i look at him i just start to start to cry and i cant help it, i even see my mum welling up in her eyes and then i get sad. How do i get past this. My mum tells me that time is great healer but some times i dont think it is. I know i have to be strong but its so hard not to think of all those times, it doesnt help every where i look i somehow link it back to him. 

  • Offline in reply to Bex28

    Everything you where talking about is what i am going through you sum it so well, its like waves it just suddenly hits you i really do hope that you and i and everybody in your family and everyone goign through this can find peace. At this moment in time i find it so diffcult to even function today.

  • Offline in reply to HassanI

    Thank you, this is definitely the hardest thing I have had to go through, as I'm sure you can relate! I think your mom is right as you have only just heard this news about your dad only having a couple months to live. Right now it would probably feel very raw, as I remember when my dad was first dignosed I couldn't stop crying, but now it sort of comes in waves. At first I couldn't even look at him without crying. I know it's not the exact same situation, and living in your situation, it's a lot easier for me to say these words, but sometimes we have to remember that with time everything will be okay. Maybe not okay in the way we want them to be, but okay in the sense that we actually will live through this. I just hope that you're able to spend as much time as you can with your dad right now. I know he only wants his family to be happy, and just making him as comfortbale as possible would be such a nice thing for him. I know you are doing whatever you can for your dad, but try to also take care fo yourself. I know it's hard, but I find if I take care of myself it's easier to help my family. If you ever need to talk, we are always here. I hope what I was trying to say makes sense, I know losing a parent isn't really something we can get over, or that still affects us in the future, but our parents would want us to try to make the best of our lives while we can. Sending my thoughts your way to you and your family. 

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