Mother in law-tumor

Hi folks.

This may be kind of long but I could really do with some help and advice. A month ago, my partner's mother found out she had a tumor in her bladder and as it has spread, she needs to have her entire bladder (and uterus) removed in March. It's even more difficult as my partner is only 22 years old living at home with her.. and it's in Sweden. So I come to you to ask for help.. I can't be there for him (I only can visit as I was there 2 weeks ago) and it's getting worse for him. He has three older sisters who don't really help him (instead one even makes him even more stressed by nagging at him all the time) even though they should without him even having to ask. Today his mother just snapped.. started screaming at him like she was wild... I don't know if it was the stress, the fact that her husband isn't there for her.. or her condition (she's having her last chemo in a week's time before the operation). My partner is going down South to stay at a friend's for a week as today just broke him.. I heard him crying on the phone and it broke me too. He feels bad, thinking he's abandoning her even though he needs to get away to calm down. I feel even worse because I don't know how to be there for him, my mum just says to stay strong and simply be there for him but it's breaking him. He cooks and cleans for her everyday, does the shopping and can spend hours doing errands (including errands for his sister...) He has so much on his shoulders and I just need to know what he can do.. what I can do for him. He can be proud at times and even feels bad asking for help when he really needs it being the youngest sibling and unlike his sisters, doesn't have to see their mother like this everyday. Please help me, I need advice. Thank you.

  • Welcome to Cancer Chat, rouge88

    It must be incredibly frustrating for you to be so far away from your partner and unable to be by his side as much as you would like to at a time when things are clearly difficult for him. But I am sure he very much appreciates your support even from a distance and that your last visit made him feel better. He does seem to have a lot on his shoulders at a very young age. Just being there for him and showing your support is the best thing you can do for him at the moment. Sometimes, it is hard to talk to those who are closest to us or to ask them for help when we need it. You mention your partner lives in Sweden and if he speaks Swedish,  perhaps it would be useful for him to have the number of a local organization that can help him, someone he can ring and talk to about what affects him the most and they may be able to give him advice and point him in the right direction. He seems to be doing a lot in terms of chores and errands, cooking and cleaning for his mum every day and perhaps there is help available in Sweden to assist him in this?

    I have found this cancer organization which he may be interested in contacting:


    Cancerfonden (The Swedish Cancer Society)
    Provides information and support in Swedish.

    Website: www.cancerfonden.se
    Email: infostodlinjen@cancerfonden.se
    Phone: 020 59 59 59 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 1pm)

    I hope you will also get some advice and supportive words from our lovely members. Many know exactly how you feel at the moment. Your mum has given you the best possible advice to just be strong and be there for him.

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Dear Lucie,

    Thank you very much for your advice and kind words. It's been a very hard time and it's worse seeing her in this state and my partner. I will talk to him about that Swedish cancer support and I hope he will take this advice. 

    Thank you so so much.

    Laura