On the 3rd April 2015 I lost my grandad to cancer. He fought for years, amazing us all and even doctors. I still haven't grieved or my grandad as I've had to hold it together for my family. I moved in with my nan for around 6 months so I had to be strong for her, and I think being strong for so long has meant I don't know how to grieve. I still feel like he is on holiday. This is has been hard to deal with, then this week I've received news that has left me feeling heart broken. My best friend, the most important person in the world to me, my Nan, has been diagnosed with lung cancer. She has fought leukaemia, and they have said it's not related. She has her biopsy tomorrow to confirm even though they said they are 99.9% sure it's cancer, then she needs a PET scan to find out if it has spread. She's petrefied. She doesn't want an operation, or biopsy but I've told her she needs to be brave and that grandad is with her. But the truth is, I'm so scared. I thought I was coping and being strong but all I keep doing is lashing out at mum, saying hurtful things and being so nasty. I'm not like this it's not me. I just feel so alone, so scared but I have to be there for my family. I just don't know how to cope with it all. I've booked a half marathon to raise money for cancer research - even though I don't run, to try and keep me occupied. Please have my nan in your prayers , I have to pray for a positive outcome