Hello subydoo,

Welcome to our forum. I am so sorry to hear that you have been having issues with your boyfriend and that he has been suffering from severe headaches. It does sound like you care deeply about him but perhaps things are difficult for him at the moment and he is needing a bit of time on his own to focus on getting over his treatment. 

I hope you will hear from others here who may have been in a similar situation to you or your boyfriend and that they will have some helpful suggestions for you.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi my husband of 30 years has  bowel cancer which he has been fighting for 5 years the tumour is now inoperable and he is so angry at everyone and everything although he can't see his change in attitude.  He wants us to go our separate ways.  I too don't know what to do to help him.  I am just staying in the background so he knows I am there and hoping he will let me back in soon.  I haven't missed one hospital appointment with him in 5 years all the chemo etc Stay strong and just let him know you are always around.  Hope this helps

Thanks lucie. really need some guidance ... please help

Hello subydoo,

I am very sorry to hear you are feeling helpless. I hope you feel better soon. It might do you some good to talk to a counselling organization. You can find out more on this page. It mentions for example an organization called Relate who specialize in relationship issues:

Relate
Premier House
Carolina Court
Lakeside
Doncaster
DN4 5RA
Phone: 0300 100 1234
Website: www.relate.org.uk

I hope this helps!

Lucie

Hi Subydoo

I am in a simalr situation with my boyfriend. he wanted me to 'forget about him' hes cutting me off and hardly talks. said he in the future he still wants contact but cant be with me anymore because he wants me to be able to remember him and all our good times together. He says i can still have a life and do everything i wanted. He has thyroid cancer and is going for surgery in two days. than has to contine treatment but has been told the outcome doesnt look good. He doesn't want me there and has not told his family. I too feel totally helpless and I love him more than anything in the world I can't just walk away. he was the life i wanted. I want him to know I care. I too tought about just dropping him a message every now and then to say im thinking of him and to be brave. I can't imagin what his going through and hate to think he feels he needs to cope alone. 

Hi Annatalks, i am really sorry to hear about your situation. how are you coping love? i wish i had some divine insight to give you but i too, am sailing in the same boat.  when he says the outcome does not look good, is it his own interpretation or the doctors have adviced so? and if there will be contact in the future, then he has hopes that there is a future for him. so i guess there is nothing we can do . be patient and wait for things to turn around. each time i think of how helpless the situation is , i think that it is a 100 times harder for him. so amidst all the secret crying and fate cursing , i pray for him each day .. actually all the time.. also i have found out that writing it down helps. so i have started maintaining a dated journal where each day i scribble my strongest emotions of the day. i hope that someday i will look back on it and draw strength.  i wish this ends out well for the both of us. hope i have been able to help a little. stay strong .. god knows thats what i am trying to do every second. 

Hey subydoo

Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. How are you and your boyfriend doing? Are you in contact more? Do you have more answers? And I think I will try and write some sort of diary of emotions, that sounds like a good idea. 

At the weekend he said I could go see him so I went to visit him in Rome for the weekend. (We hadn't seen each other in 3 months) but this was nearly 2 weeks after he ended our relationship due to his diagnosis. So he was trying hard to not act like my boyfriend which was heart breaking, but we got to talk and cry and a lot of hugging. He's trying desperately to stay strong and block it out but when he did break down he told me he needs me. So I know he's scared but still believes us breaking up is for the best. 

He'd already had surgery to remove his thyroid and he did seem a little weaker and uncomfortable, he's now seeing another doctor this week about more surgery as it's spread to his intestine and already in his prostate too. He is terrified it is just a matter of time before it spreads all over his body. But they are starting therapy soon so he has a chance to stop it.. i just keep trying to remind him it is possible to get better and that needs to be his focus. 

He says he doesn't want to burden me with this and make me go through it all, but he also said he wants me in his life. I don't know what I'm meant to do. Other than constantly remind him he is not alone. 

I don't want him to push everyone away and have no one.. (he's only told me) I don't know how someone can do it all alone.. no one should face cancer alone :( 

I left my job on a cruise ship to be with him so I can't even throw myself into work as such! I'm just praying and praying  he can fight this and in the future we can be together again..