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My boyfriend has pushed me away and ended the relationship

subydoo
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Hi, i don't even know what is wrong with him. He has migraine i know but then he started complaining of severe headaches. my best guess is that he has a tumor and is getting chemo done. he did mention meeting people who have ahd tumor surgery and how hard its for the family. we have been seeing each other for just over 6 months now. But i feel like that i have found my person in him. i cant find any meaning in life without him.  two months ago he stopped talking to me completely. all i knew was that he was seeing a doctor and was on medication. sometimes he texted me back to tell me he was getting better and i should not worry. but how can i not worry? finally i got him to meet me this weekend and he told me that he was setting me free and nobody should suffer for anyone else . i made it very clear to him that i was going anywhere and will wait for him. i have texted him to speak to me and he's responded by saying that he will call me in a couple of days.i do not know what to do. how can i tell this man that he has changed me as a person and there is no way i am ever leaving him. please help. i really do not know what to do. thanks  

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    Hello subydoo,

    Welcome to our forum. I am so sorry to hear that you have been having issues with your boyfriend and that he has been suffering from severe headaches. It does sound like you care deeply about him but perhaps things are difficult for him at the moment and he is needing a bit of time on his own to focus on getting over his treatment. 

    I hope you will hear from others here who may have been in a similar situation to you or your boyfriend and that they will have some helpful suggestions for you.

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi my husband of 30 years has  bowel cancer which he has been fighting for 5 years the tumour is now inoperable and he is so angry at everyone and everything although he can't see his change in attitude.  He wants us to go our separate ways.  I too don't know what to do to help him.  I am just staying in the background so he knows I am there and hoping he will let me back in soon.  I haven't missed one hospital appointment with him in 5 years all the chemo etc Stay strong and just let him know you are always around.  Hope this helps

  • Offline in reply to pixie4dixie
    Hi Pixie4dixie, i hope your husband is well now. how are you coping with it? I do not know what to do. I feel so lost. Sometimes i feel even my friends do not understand me. I am unable to make people understand how i feel about him. i keep thinking of our good days together and motivate myself. i love him to bits. how can i make him see that. we have hardly spoken since this episode. when i met him, he told me that he was setting me free. that is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard. i have decided to send him a text every week just to remind him that i am thinking of him. asking no questions , just my thoughts. also i have figured crying everyday once helps. please help... what should i do? i feel helpless .. really helpless
  • Offline in reply to Moderator Lucie

    Thanks lucie. really need some guidance ... please help

  • Offline in reply to subydoo

    Hello subydoo,

    I am very sorry to hear you are feeling helpless. I hope you feel better soon. It might do you some good to talk to a counselling organization. You can find out more on this page. It mentions for example an organization called Relate who specialize in relationship issues:

    Relate
    Premier House
    Carolina Court
    Lakeside
    Doncaster
    DN4 5RA
    Phone: 0300 100 1234
    Website: www.relate.org.uk

    I hope this helps!

    Lucie

  • Offline in reply to subydoo

    Hi Subydoo

    I am in a simalr situation with my boyfriend. he wanted me to 'forget about him' hes cutting me off and hardly talks. said he in the future he still wants contact but cant be with me anymore because he wants me to be able to remember him and all our good times together. He says i can still have a life and do everything i wanted. He has thyroid cancer and is going for surgery in two days. than has to contine treatment but has been told the outcome doesnt look good. He doesn't want me there and has not told his family. I too feel totally helpless and I love him more than anything in the world I can't just walk away. he was the life i wanted. I want him to know I care. I too tought about just dropping him a message every now and then to say im thinking of him and to be brave. I can't imagin what his going through and hate to think he feels he needs to cope alone. 

  • Offline in reply to annatalks

    Hi Annatalks, i am really sorry to hear about your situation. how are you coping love? i wish i had some divine insight to give you but i too, am sailing in the same boat.  when he says the outcome does not look good, is it his own interpretation or the doctors have adviced so? and if there will be contact in the future, then he has hopes that there is a future for him. so i guess there is nothing we can do . be patient and wait for things to turn around. each time i think of how helpless the situation is , i think that it is a 100 times harder for him. so amidst all the secret crying and fate cursing , i pray for him each day .. actually all the time.. also i have found out that writing it down helps. so i have started maintaining a dated journal where each day i scribble my strongest emotions of the day. i hope that someday i will look back on it and draw strength.  i wish this ends out well for the both of us. hope i have been able to help a little. stay strong .. god knows thats what i am trying to do every second. 

  • Offline in reply to subydoo

    Hey subydoo

    Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. How are you and your boyfriend doing? Are you in contact more? Do you have more answers? And I think I will try and write some sort of diary of emotions, that sounds like a good idea. 

    At the weekend he said I could go see him so I went to visit him in Rome for the weekend. (We hadn't seen each other in 3 months) but this was nearly 2 weeks after he ended our relationship due to his diagnosis. So he was trying hard to not act like my boyfriend which was heart breaking, but we got to talk and cry and a lot of hugging. He's trying desperately to stay strong and block it out but when he did break down he told me he needs me. So I know he's scared but still believes us breaking up is for the best. 

    He'd already had surgery to remove his thyroid and he did seem a little weaker and uncomfortable, he's now seeing another doctor this week about more surgery as it's spread to his intestine and already in his prostate too. He is terrified it is just a matter of time before it spreads all over his body. But they are starting therapy soon so he has a chance to stop it.. i just keep trying to remind him it is possible to get better and that needs to be his focus. 

    He says he doesn't want to burden me with this and make me go through it all, but he also said he wants me in his life. I don't know what I'm meant to do. Other than constantly remind him he is not alone. 

    I don't want him to push everyone away and have no one.. (he's only told me) I don't know how someone can do it all alone.. no one should face cancer alone :( 

    I left my job on a cruise ship to be with him so I can't even throw myself into work as such! I'm just praying and praying  he can fight this and in the future we can be together again.. 

  • Offline in reply to annatalks
    Hi annatalks, i am so glad you got to meet your man and had a heart to heart. From what i can sense is that he is really scared but feels that this will ruin your life ,if he pulls yoi close now. Though i do not know how smart it is to not inform his parents. From personal experience i can tell you that it tears the parents apart when they lose a child suddenly. Everyone should get a chance to say goodbye ,if it comes to that. Otherwise the entire lifetime becomes a wait to see your loved one again. Maybe you can explain this too him. Also woman i think you are incredible to take this on on your own. He is a really special lucky man. I hope that you have your own support system in place to help you steer through this. I can say that hang in there and pray for the best. I strongly believe that it is our love that pushes them to fight. So even if we fail, we would have helped another human face his worst with our love. How many people can do that hon :)... I will pray for your man everyday. And i have faith in science.. there is a great chance that he will sail through this and you will have a beautiful life together. I haven't had any such luck though. Apart from the diary , i try and send him a text every other day sometimes informing him about my life and on other days plain texts to let him know that i am right here. I am hoping that he will contact me someday. So i am keeping my fingers crossed and praying. I am here always whenever you need to talk.. it always helps.. what other don't understand , only we can.. love is rare .. hold on ...

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