Hi Planetearthisblue

welcome to the forums- a place where non of us would ever choose to come. I'm so sorry that your dad has had such awful news. Sadly lung cancers are frequently discovered very late in the day when they've spread and become inoperable. Having a cancer diagnosis is very tough but must be doubly so for your dad because he's living in France. Good job you're able to be there for him to help with the language problems. It sounds like your dad is getting good care though with the spread to his brain  being dealt with very quickly and chemo being offered. I can understand how you would want him back in the UK though. It must be frustrating to be faced with staff who believe they know best and don't like questions being asked. When my husband was being treated for lung cancer here in the UK we were encouraged to ask questions and found it helpful to do so. I have no experience of the French health system but I would imagine you should be speaking to your dad's consultant about the possibility of him being well enough to travel back to the UK. I would imagine it will be a complex process swapping his care from one country to another. Wishing your dad all the best. Good luck. 

Thank you Inula for your reply :) . I am sorry to read of your loss on your profile. You are in my thoughts! Im finding it hard to talk to family and friends - its hard to put into words how I feel. I'm so thankful for this forum <3

That's great news about your dad PlanetEarthIsBlue :)

How is he finding the radiotherapy? I know he only started the other day but I hope it's going well for him so far.

I noticed you are hoping to hear from others who may be able to relate to your dad's experience. I'm not sure if you had the chance to do this yet but if you use the 'search forum' option above you can find and join in on previous discussions that may be similar to yours. Starting a new discussion specifically about may make it easier for members to reply and share their experiences with you as well.

Best wishes to you all, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Update 9 months after diagnosis. 

Well my dad has finished his radiotherapy on the brain and lung but unfortunately had a funny turn and was taken into hospital to discover the brain tumors have returned. 7 metastases to be exact :(! We are all absolutely devastated! He has responded so well to the treatment but it just didn't last. He is now going to be on an oral chemotherapy treatment but the doctors have said it's just such an aggressive cancer things are not looking good. Tomorrow my mum and him and his beloved bestest friend the dog are all off on a road trip down to the south of France to visit my brother and sightseeing for a few days before the treatment starts. I just feel so completely empty and I just want to hide away from everybody and don't want to talk... Just an emotional wreck. I can't sleep and there is just not one second of the day I'm not thinking about it. I've had to come back to the UK to get back into work so I don't lose my job but all the mean time I'm just thinking I should be there making memories and enjoying this time now. But it's extremely difficult because his so tired all the time and all he wants to do is sit in front of the TV and I've got so much depending on me back home in the UK. I'm so torn. Im really struggling with the thought my dad will never be here to see my children or if I was to  get married one day. My mum has been with him since she was 20 and I can't imagine what she must be feeling it's just so truly devastating this disease!!! 

Well this will probably be my last update here... My dad passed away holding my hand on exactly the same day he was diagnosed the year before. 

After the discovery of several tumours this summer, and although he was on oral chemo he began to change. First it was the things he would say, the confusion, the forgetfulness, the mood changes and then one day his legs just gave up. My mum and I had gone back to the UK for a few days to say goodbye to my grandad who passed away from vascular dementia. My brother was looking after my dad when he had a fall and from then just could not walk really and no control over his bowels. It was so quick it happened over a weekend, my brother was extremely worried and rung for the doctor, my dad  was taken into hospital and was put into a room in A&E and left there for 24 hours without seeing any of his doctors, we arrived the next day and managed to bring him home and have the hospital equipment set up at home. But still had not seen a doctor, we didn't know why my dad had has this downfall within days his face was droopy we thought he could have had a stroke or seizure and that caused the fall. We didn't know nothing.

So the hospital nurses visited everyday to care for him and administer his oral chemo he was still taking.. We tried and tried calling all of his doctors, the radiotherapy the chemo the GP just to have some clarification.. Finally they gave us a date for an MRI scan in three weeks time. Now three weeks seemed so far away, my dad was getting worse everyday. Our family were asking us so many questions and all we could tell them was we have to wait for the results of the scan... We waited and waited and the day of scan arrived. We were told an taxi / ambulance would arrive to collect my dad to transport him, as the hospital for this particular scan was about 45 minutes away and my dad had to be laid flat has he couldn't walk or sit up. We waited and waited for the ambulance. So I called and they told me they were so sorry they had forgotten. I was fuming, I rung the the scan hospital and told them what had happened she said the next available appointment would be in 15 days, my mum and me were in tears. We managed to move my dad using a wheelchair into our car with difficulty and drive him only to be stuck in the biggest road work traffic jam and by the time we had arrived they were closed. It was so uncomfortable for him.

The next morning i made a huge complaint to the taxi / ambulance department. And to our local GP, who managed to reschedule a scan appointment within a few days. By the time he had this scan he had stopped talking pretty much and would wave his arms around. Anyway, he had the scan we got the results with his chemo doctor  and he ripped us apart for allowing my dad to still be given oral chemo. I had no idea, I am 26 I don't know anything about cancer or chemo and the nurses from the chemotherapy hospital were administering them and their notes were available for this chemo doctor to see. He told us the chemotherapy could be adding to his behaviour changes and sickness. We were so angry we had been left to care for my dad without any information on what we should be doing or preparing ourselves for. 

He told us that day we should expect to see my dad with the same symptoms of a dementia patient. Seeing my grandad go through dementia it was so true, my dad became my grandad. Although he became more like a zombie towards the last two months. 

He would hold my hand, I would play all his favourite music, we would sing to him and bring the dog on his bed for a cuddle.. But even that stopped after a while and he slept more. We could no longer feed him and my mum took it hard as she knew that as soon as he stopped swallowing and eating, things wouldn't go on for long. He had lost so much weight it was absolutely terrifying to see. His face had changed, he had swollen parts on his face and his mouth was open and he suffered from dry mouth etc. It was awful, he had such difficulty swallowing any liquid that had been gelified to stop any coughing or choking and it going down the wrong hole.. I would sleep on the sofa by his bed and his coughing just got so much worse he didn't have strength to cough up what was sitting on his chest. They tried to use a suction but it was too far down. He was put on morphine and a relaxant.. His breathing was just so heartbreaking to see, we were by his side all day and then he took his last breath. Within 24 hours of the syringe driver in place. 

I have always had a fear of death. I cried and cried when I thought my dad would die, how would he die, what would he look like, would he be in pain, how will I react. It was peaceful but I was broken. I can't explain how I felt that night... But I suppose I feel like I'm in some sort of shock. I'm in a bubble of shock if that makes any sense. I have moments where a voice in my head is screaming and crying and I am completely silent and other moments I just can't cope. I truly feel half the person I was, I have changed over the past year, I feel angry I feel scared I feel lonely. 

I know it's a cliche but, tell your loved ones you love them talk about things. Say the things you feel and think, say it, no matter what is it just say all the things you want before it's too late. 

I love you dad x