Hi Col,

Welcome to this friendly forum. I dont envy you for not only are you worrying about your dad, you also have the added task of informing your children.

When I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, my three gandchildren were all ten and under. Ther were told I had an ilness that meant I had to keep going to hospital. As I had no outward signs of illness, they coped very well with this. I think my grandaughter who was the oldest knew more than she let on for several times she asked how I was feeling. bless her. I am close to allthree of them.

You are doing the right thing in telling them for they always seem to find out anyway in time. The one problem with young people is, in cases like this they often feel excluded and worry all the more because of it, so far better to be open and honest with it.

One thing I must mention is, there have in the past been several young people on here who feel they have had no one to talk to for they often feel they cant talk to grown ups about their fears and feelings and then tend to bottle things up. I know of one lady who explained a similar sitation to her children and told them she wasnt coping herself and told them if they all helped each other *** would make it easier to get through the bad times. Afterwards she told me it brought her even closer to her children.

I wish you and your family all the best and am sending kind thoughts your way. Please let us know how how things turn out, Brian.

Hi sorry about your dad. When my mum was diagomised with cancer in 2014 I just told my children who were 15,13 and 9 that she had a poorly tummy at first. A few months later I explained she had cancer. The day she was in hospital dying I just told them she was very poorly I couldnt break their hearts. Its hard having to tell them. Maybe tell your 11 yr old he has cancer etc but not the dying part. I personally dont think they need to know. But u have to do whats right for you. X

Hi Col, It is very stressful when we hope a treatment is going to get us to a happy end but then we are told otherwise. The difficulty of people who have their loved ones diagnosed with cancer, is precisely dealing not only with the process but how to manage the informations for the whole family and friends. Telling a child someone he/she loves is ill and given a certains months to live is not an easy task. In my case I have not have this issue cause I have no children. But I would say that children are very sensible/sensitive for this things. I mean they can not only understand the situation but also feel it in the air. At age of eleven your son already has the judgment to evaluate the situation. Do not rush to tell everything at once unless you feel that he is prepared to. I think you should analyze the questions he will surely ask you about his grandfather during the this period and gradually pass on the information so that he can digest the little news that he receives and thus suffer less as the time approaches. You will have to suffer a little more so that your child suffers a little less. I wish you can gather all the strengh you can to cope with this. My heart and thoughts are with you and your family. Hope to hear from you, Joe

Thank you for your reply and kind thoughts , both of my children knew that there grandad was very ill they saw him poorly after his chemo so they knew it was serious, but now it's the worst outcome its very hard to know how to break the news that it didn't work. I'm finding it very difficult as you say as well as worried about my parents trying to cope with what's going to happen Im very worried about the children they have had such a close relationship with their grandparents this news will break their hearts the eldest is away studying at university at the moment but is home in a few days for a visit and I think this is the time I must sit them both down and break the news. I am sorry to hear aboit your cancer i do hope its under control or even gone sending best wishes xI will keep in touch thank you x

Thank you for your advice it is appriciated and yes I think maybe you are right by trying to give information alittle at a time so they can digest it and I will try to be prepared for the questions.

I guess the hardest bit might be staying strong and not completly breaking down but also not trying to be to strong so they feel like they have to be strong I've had a few months to digest this could be happening while he was having chemo and now a couple of weeks of the knowledge that the treatment did not work, I must try to remember as children they haven't thought about what if treatment didn't work and this news is the first time they have heard it.

As a parent or "grown up "  you feel you must protect childten but unfortunately I guess we as adults and parents are unable to do this all the time.

Thank you again

Best wishes

Hi and welcome to the forum where I see you have already had some supportive replies. This is a really personal journey for you, your Dad and family.  When my husband was diagnosed our grandson was three and we just told him granddad was poorly ( and explained he could no longer jump on him!).  Throughout the three years following diagnosis (was terminal but without a definite timeline) we basically just told him what we felt was enough to give him some understanding but when he asked specific questions we were honest with our answers. As there are many people who also survive cancer we only ever referred to it as a nasty illness as did not want him thinking that everyone would die.  He coped pretty well we encouraged him to talk about his feelings.  Of course there were times when tears came along and I was not afraid to show him how I felt too.  He was six when we lost his grandad, now nearly two years ago and I am so grateful that we were open with him (his little brother was only 1 at the time of loss) as he finds it completely natural to talk about his memories and  loves looking back at the photos.  He also spent the whole day here with us the day my husband passed away though had gone home to bed when it occured so it was a hard breakfast conversation that my daughter and son in law had to have next day.  They also kept his school well informed so that when he became upset there was good support for him.

I hope you will find the forum a good source of support. I find it just helped to get things off my chest. Take care  Jules54