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Another bad day - advanced renal cell cancer

Chrissie05
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Brian, my husband, is really struggling today with a severe headache that we can't seem to shift. I suggested phoning for stronger pain killers but he doesn't want to know. He has had trouble eating as the headache is making him feel sick but he feels empty. Just given him some chocolate to try and take the edge off. Days like this are so hard and restrictive as I daren't go out as if he is sick he would be in trouble as he is wheelchair bound and needs my help to move.So I put my phone in my pocket and went and attacked a bush that needed pruning, feel better for it, poor bush it looks bald now!

Next conversation will be what can you try and eat for tea. Made some chicken vegetable soup for lunch but struggled to force it down. Says everything tastes of cardboard, so my answer is, well it doesn't matter what you have as long as it is nutritious!

It is so hard knowing what to do for the best. I suppose he will tell me when he needs the doctor, but I wouldn't bank on it as after 38 years of MS he doesn't like to "pester" the doctor. Sorry to moan everyone but just needed to sound off as I feel so frustrated by this illness.

 

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    Yeap, we terminals can be a little bit tricky.

     

    In my case complaining about what I feel, specially on my bad days, is one way of relieving my stress and anxiety caused by the symptoms.

     

    I mean, the sensation of, and the knowledge that my body is slowly deteriorating for the worst is a mentally stressful, hopeless, frightening feeling. Even in cases where the symptoms are pretty moderate and bearable I just can't help but to think that theres no more hope for me to be healthy again and thats a terrifying feeling as i realize that things will only get worse from there.

     

    Somehow talking about it with other people breaks the association of the symptoms to my body as if it gives the illusion that it is not happening to me or it gives a sense that everything that are happening are "normal" and "natural" and "matter of factly" processes.

     

    When things did became unbearable, I did cry for pain-killers and im the type of person who would rather endure the pain than to bother someone (or take pain killers).

     

     

     

  • Offline in reply to JoyfulofJourney

    Thanks for your reply. He has just told me the headache has gone after 24 hours and he is hungry. The trouble is he is on pazopanib and has to take it on an empty stomach so he has to stay hungry as he has his pill at night. When he has finished watching football will be ready for bed- although he only sleeps for a few hours.

    Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.Best wishes to you.

     

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