Relative and Depression

Hello...

My Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer in January. He was given 3 months to live. He took part of a clinical trial and he is getting better, the tumor has shrank, but he still have a long road ahead. He is suffering a lot physically. One of the metastsis is in the lower vertebra, which is giving him an awful lot of pain.

At 1st I thought I was doing well, coping more or les with the situation. I did not cry, and was trying to remain positive no matter what. I saw my mother being very upset, afraid and lost. My brother did not cope very well either, he got very angry and stressed. I guess I felt I was the only one left to support the family.

I went back to France early October, to visit my parents. I saw my dad in an lot of pain. It was the 1st time I saw him cry because of the pain. My mother was very down.

And then, it kind of HIT ME.

Since I got back, I feel very upset. I am exhausted and could sleep for days. I lost all motivation to do anything, and kind of withdraw into myself...

My husband is doing all he can to help , but he does not know what to do, or how to act toward me. I feel even worse knowing he is suffering because of me. He feels rejected and unloved...

I am not very keen on going to see my doctor, I wish I could find a way to fight my demons on my own...

Any tips or advise?

Aurelie

 

 

  • Hi Aurelie, 

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My dad was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer in July, so I think I can relate to some of what you're feeling. I think this situation is probably just hitting you again. Maybe since you were away and not surrounded by the situation, maybe you almost forgot how tough the situation is. I only say this because I don't live with my parents, but when I go home it sort of hits me that my dad is sick. I think it may be because you are back visiting your parents, so you're surrounded by it more, and there's no way for you to escape what you're feeling or to avoid what your dad is going through. When we don't live with our parents, we don't have to live through it every day, we can almost detach from it in a way. 

    So what i'm saying is I think it may take a little while for you to get back to feeling sort of normal. Do you have any friends or people you are able to talk to? It has helped me a lot to talk to people and make myself go out and do things. Then it can take your mind off of everything. I also find it really helpful to live in the moment. If I think about what may happen 5 years from now, I get really depressed. But just try to literally take it one day at a time. Only think about your day today and the time you can spend with your dad today. I hope some fo this advice helps! Feel free to talk anytime!

    I also want to say that sometimes we can't go through these things on our own. I see a counselor through my school since I found out about my dad, and it has helped me a little bit. This is a huge life adjustment and something that we both will have to deal with for the rest of our lives. If you do find it hard, we are always here to talk! I've found that a lot of people on this site are very friendly!

  • GiftThePresent, 

    Thank you for these words.  It helps a lot...

    I took a 1st step I went through TalkPlus, I think i should have some feeback and maybe an appointment soon. Sometimes, as you said, you just need some extra help. 

    I have friends and my husband is very supportive, but i feel I cannot talk to them because I don't want them to act any differently. I am afraid that if I open up too much about it, it would change things and i will get "in the way". It is almost Me against Myself and I don't want to involved them into this fight... It is too personal. 

    I hope this will help... I will keep in touch !

    xxx