Cancer Research UK main site
This discussion has been locked.
You can no longer post new replies to this discussion. If you have a question you can start a new discussion

University

SophB
Offline

Hi,

My dad has had cancer for a couple of years now, but has recently got much worse. I go away to university in September and am worried about what will happen when I go. I am the oldest child and have two younger siblings, and my mum relies on me to help out with them as my dad can no longer drive due to his condition. As well as being worried about how everyone at home will cope, I am worried my dad might pass away while I am at university. I don't want to talk to my parents about this as it will worry them and I know they really want me to go to university. Any advise would be greatly appreciated! 

Thanks,

Sophie

  • Offline
    Hi Sophie I am sure that the last thing your Dad would want is for you to feel guilty about getting on with your life. Try talking to your Mum about your concerns on how she will manage while you are at Uni. It may be that she also has concerns and just by discussing and voicing these concerns may actually help. Sometimes you need to talk. As to your Dad passing away you can always get home if he becomes worse and you can talk with your course tutor letting them know that you may have to go home. You do not know what is going to happen so just have plans in place for your own peace of mind. You are only a phone call away.
  • Offline

    Hi SophB, 

    I'm in a similar situation to you. I am also heading to university in September and my dad was just diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer last month. I've had some talks with him, and he has always said that he wants me to do what makes me happy. I think your dad would want you to continue your schooling, and it would hurt him to see you putting your life on hold for him. However, I know that you would want to spend as much time with him as you can. Where you're going to university, is it near your hometown? Can you travel to see your parents on weekends? 

    I also wondered, could you bring up the subject in a way to not worry them? Maybe you could ask your dad what would make him happy. It may make it a little easier, if you know that he wants you to be in school. I don't really know. I'm not sure if you're able to do this, but can you decrease your course load a little bit? Maybe if it works out you would get some extra time and could spend a little more time with family, and not be so busy with your schoolwork.

    I hope some of these suggestions helped, or maybe gave you an idea of what to do. 

     

  • Offline in reply to GiftThePresent
    Hi, Thanks for the reply. I think that when the right time comes I will talk to my dad about how I feel. The university I have applied to is fairly near where I live and are aware of my situation, but I do not have a guaranteed place. Your suggestions are really helpful and greatly appreciated. I guess I'm just worried that I will miss out on spending time with him. Thanks again, Sophie
  • Offline in reply to river56

    Thank you for replying. I will try and talk to my parents before I leave, I just want to make sure I get the balance between uni and home right. I like having plans as it makes me feel more in control of the situation, so sitting down with my mum is probably a good thing to do.

    Sophie

  • Offline in reply to SophB

    Hi SophB,

    I hope you can talk to your dad. Hopefully you can come up with a nice balance between going to university and spending time with your dad. I know your dad is top priority right now and I'm sure he would want you to do what makes you happy. I know i can't really give you any advice because this is a choice you have to make, but I'm always here if you need to talk. :)

  • Offline

    Hi SophB

    Go, your dad would not want to see you miss out on the opportunity or delay moving on to the next stage of your life. Part of your angst comes from being the oldest sibling, who in every family is always the most responsible one. Your mum and family will cope, just make sure you stay in touch each day, visiting when you can. You must talk to your parents too, thoughts and ideas are better spoken, it will be a relief for them to know whats on your mind and it will ease the situation. best wishes for you and your family Kim ( also a dad with cancer)

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.