Hi,

The names Dan & I have stage IV Bowel cancer - so far have been dealing with it with ease, but I feel exactly where you come from - certain people can be unbelievably selfish in times like these -and will only think of themselves - usually thus is what they are like all the time, but hardship amps up their self centered behaviours - my advice to you would be to lay down the law!! SCREW THEM! If they have such little respect for yourself & your mother believe me, you don't want them around - if it happens again "politely" export there *** out the way - this would relieve a lot of stress too...  He heee 

Thanks Dan , firstly I'm sorry that your living with this vile disease , your sense of humour an caring nature shine right through , I'm deeply touched you gave your time to reply to my selfish snivelling lol The problem is my mother I think , at the best of times ( even before cancer ) she has never had a problem expressing what she wants an needs , she stirs up arguments , lies and exaggerates when she is caught out , this is just pre cancer good old mum .She tells me to message her family and friends Telling them she feels too unwell, she tells me to answer her mobile calls an texts , which I of course do ... As gently as I can .....she sleeps as much as she can in the day when we are there ( her kids) . last night her "best friend" just walks in , an mum was sitting up all animated chatting too her .... I keep her mates/family up to date with tests/symptoms ect this particular friend I'd messaged the day b4 with an update an mums wishes .I'm pretty sure they think its me stopping them seeing my mum....I would love to wrap mum up an keep her all too ourselves but I'm just not that incensetive or selfish..... If my mum wants this then why the hell is she telling me to do different ?  

Please don't apologise for venting, it is perfectly natural, sane and healthy for you to do so - I'm very lucky as 95% of my family are backing me with this in the best ways I could imagine - but there will always be that 5% - and you will find they don't just come in the form of family and friends but staff at hospitals, outsiders in general public who are to wrapped up in their own little lives to even acknowledge what you may be going through and this will test your nerves - regarding your mum it does sound you are fighting a fruitless battle, maybe try letting her give the news to friends & well wishers, make it a benine statement and say something along the lines of "it was great to see you interacting with friends, mum, have them up as much as you want if it does you good, anything I can do to expediate that or assist I'm here" I find with the people who get on my wick I put the ball in their court and then when they put obstacles in the way I just retort with simple facts such as they had the opportunity and turned it down, or did everything in their power to sabotage it - in some cases this can open their eyes a bit and they may become a bit more lenient  in others it just fans the flames of problems - it will be doubly hard as it is your mother, but at the same time that doesn't give her a free pass to treat you so badly when you are clearly very involved, and the way you come across here you are very devoted.

Hey if all else fails - you can come look after me!! I love having people in my corner treating me like a V.I.P hah hahaha!!

But if this is a place when you can vent in peace and hopefully ascertain some support & maybe advice at the same time then it works

Best of luck 

Dan!

Hope she is nt in Bkackburn C7 as i thought my partner was lying and he turned out it was true.I know how u feel question the nurses for ex on what was eaten that day pain relief and if they've no answer then ni handover therfor no concern for patients