Hello Starlight01, 

So sorry to hear about your partners recent diagnosis. It will be an extremely worrying, upsetting and confusing time for you both. I'm not too sure what the hospital have said regarding his bowel cancer and whether it's 'terminal' or if it's 'incurable' but there is a difference between the two. My father was diagnosed exactly a year ago with stage 4 'incurable' bowel cancer with secondaries to his lungs and liver. He started palliative chemotherapy a month later in May and continued with this up until the end of July when he ended up getting a bowel obstruction meaning the tumour in his bowel caused a blockage and was ready to burst and would have killed him. He made it just in time to the hospital where he under went emergency surgery to remove 75% of his bowel including the tumour. However the cancer is described as being like tiny grains of sand that completely covers his lungs and his liver is completely covered too, this makes him 'incurable'. They can't get rid of it, yes he will die eventually from this they've told him that but he could go on and have many years left yet, many do with stage 4 cancer. Has your partner been offered to have any chemotherapy? 

I will be turning 27 next week and it's been the hardest year ever in all my life. Everything around me feels very different and has all of a sudden become so precious. There's a fear inside me now knowing how quickly life can change. I've gone through a mixture of emotions from crying non stop to shouting and being angry to then feeling numb and empty. But somehow we will manage, I've found this incredible hulk like strength in me that I never knew existed and I'm sure you'll find the strength in you too as time goes on. You are far from alone. There is a special dedicated bowel cancer forum that I like to use 'beating bowel cancer.org' this may be of some interest to you as it's specifically for this cancer and can make of an interesting read and everyone is so supportive and friendly on there too. 

Stay strong, big hugs x 

Hi Starlight,

Welcome to the forum. None of us would ever choose to post here but it can be a great source of comfort and an outlet for your feelings. I was a carer for my mum who had terminal cancer of the esophagus. I found that using this forum to document what I was going through myself was quite cathartic, as you don't always feel you want to burden the other person with your emotions. 

I totally agree with CG's advice about building good memories. Do you discuss the future with your partner? It can be extremely difficult but personally I found that because mum and I talked openly and practically about her illness, it made it easier to deal with situations as they occurred but we had plenty of good times and day trips etc too. 

Generally men do find it harder to express their feelings.Have either of you been offered any form of counselling or other support? Our local hospital has the Mustard Tree which is a centre of support for cancer patients and their carers. Mum had some counselling and as her carer I was also offered free massages and other therapies. 

You need to look after yourself to ensure you're strong enough to deal with whatever the future holds. It's very easy to neglect yourself whilst focusing on the other person but in the long term you will reap the benefits of looking after your own physical AND mental well-being.

Take comfort and support wherever you can and keep talking, whether it's on here, with your partner or friends/family. We're here for you.