Hello Charchar1993,

I noticed you hadn't yet received a reply so thought I would bump your post to the top of our forum. You truly are remarkable. It's incredible all you do for your mum and you did the same for your dad as well. You are giving her great physical and emotional support and I hope this forum will also offer you the support you need. Sometimes it is easier to talk to others here than to close family members.

I am sure some of our members will have some suggestions for you and will be along soon to support you when you need it the most. You seem to be doing amazingly well given all the pressure you are under.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you lucie!!!  For bumping up my post! 

I'm hoping that chatting to people on here may help me in some way! It's very tough having to lose 1 parent to cancer let alone have to deal with the other parent who now has it. Thank you for your compliment! It's surprising as a friend of mine, her mum has cancer (curable) and even her mum says she doesn't know how I do it! To be honest I don't even know myself! I had always said if I had to do the caring all over again I would.  I understand obviously the rest of my family have their own lives to get on with, but so do I.....I do everything I can for my mum, always, however some help is always appreciated!

Once again lucie thank you for your help!!

Charlotte 

Hi sue!

My mum is aware of my feelings and she's told me that she thinks I'm more depressed than I think. 1 of my sisters is 2.5 hours away from us and another one lives a few towns away. One of my sisters lives at home with us but never spends one with us or anything! Iv told the one that lives with us countless times how I need help but I don't get help. The only one who's helpful is my mums sister. And only she can do so much! I feel like it's talking to a brick wall with the rest of the family! I mean I cry out for help but don't get help! I feel like I'm at a dead end 

Thanks 

Love charlotte c

Hiya Hazel 

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your mum when you were around 24! Losing a parent to cancer is one of the hardest things I ever had to face, let alone going to have to lose the other one to it too!....my mum has a few nurses available to speak to which I do have the phone number for!  One recommended I see my GP, however my GP have a habit of popping pills to everyone and anyone and I don't want to rely on tablets or become reliant on them. Funnily enough one of the nurses praised me on what iv been doing however said I'm taking on an awful lot and that they are going to keep a close eye on me. Another problem I have is I don't like the thought of someone else on the outside come coming in our home and helping mum! The good thing is I'm currently unemployed, I left my job in January due to them causing me so much agro, good job I did really as this in itself is a full time job. Thing is I'm willingly taking everything on because I want to to most of it, or all of it for that matter. It's just the thought that we're having to go through all this again is what is making me struggle. My heart is aching because I know what is yet to come and it scares me. After losing dad I got depressed and needed counselling, I guess I'm just feeling so lost with all that's happened these last few years! 

Thank you hazel and sue!!

Big love to you both ....Charlotte X 

The only support group coming up is a Dorothy house carers course on 20th April. That is also like a support group! But I'm not sure what else is about now as a leaflet I had picked up from the hospital for support groups was unfortunately out of date! And I haven't contacted Macmillan no...iv been waiting for Easter to be over then I was going to contact our lung nurse specialist to refer me to Macmillan. Because if I call Macmillan I'd have to go through everything and explain it all which I'm tired of doing...so if I call our nurse she can explain it all! As its getting to the point where I'm struggling!. It's strange! I wonder if another can feel the physical side affects of cancer without actually having it! As when my dad was poorly, when he felt pain I did too! When he had a cannula put into his hand near the end, I found a mark on my hand. The same hand and same place as his cannula was! Still there to this day! And now whatever mum is feeling I seem to be feeling as well! Is it possible to have sympathy symptoms! 

Love Charlotte X 

I know how tough it's going to be! I'm very scared to say the least, however I have the fight in me and strength to get through this! It's just a lot harder than I thought! 

But thank you sue for your help and advice ! Really appreciate it!!

Love Charlotte X 

Charlotte,

Tough love is needed here. Take some time out for yourself and your husband. If your sister is living with you, don't ask her permission just tell her that she's going to be on her own with her Mum for a day while you take a much needed break.

Maybe if she has to cope on her own with her Mum for a day, she might start to appreciate how much she is imposing on you and your good nature? 

Try to get over your fear of having outsiders in to help. You will be of no use to your Mum if you have a nervous breakdown or are physically exhausted and all this must be having an impact on your marital relationship. MacMillan are usually pretty good once you're in the system. 

Best wishes
Dave

Hi charchar1993,

My aunt had incurable breast cancer and her young daughter took on the role of being her carer like you are for your mum and also looked after her little sister. The nurses/doctors where able to set up a restbite place where my aunt could stay for a few days so that her daughter had a little time to herself. maybe this is something you could mention to your macmillan nurse or your gp I'm sure they could help you.

sending love x