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Dad has terminal cancer

paulajl
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Hi , not sure what I hope to gain by posting on here but just wanted to connect with people in the same situation as me. Yesterday my dad was told his lung cancer is too advanced to be treated and without chemo he has only got a couple of months and with chemo maybe a couple more. He has opted to try chemo and starts next week, if it makes him too poorly they will stop it.  He seems to be dealing with the news so well but we are all in bits, I don't know how to even begin dealing with this, how are we all supposed to go about our daily lives now????       

I want to be so strong for him and my mum but at the moment I can't stop crying, I have had to take the day off work today because of the state i'm in. I need to be better than this, does the news get easier to bear? At the moment he still looks so well and I find it so hard to believe he can be so seriously ill.

Me, my husband and 6 year old daughter are supposed to be going on holiday abroad next week for a fortnight and obviously I am cancelling but my mum has said that this will upset her and my dad and I don't know what to tell my daughter?

I keep thinking that despite how bravely he seems to be dealing with this my poor dad must be so scared and I have to make sure I don't add to his load by letting him see me struggling.

 

 

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    Hi Paula,

    Your Dad may be too shocked to take it all in, our minds seem to shut down a little and only allow the realisation to trickle through at a rate they can cope with.

    Your own sense of shock will eventually wear off and you'll find yourself coping better, if only because you have too for his sake.

    Best wishes
    Dave

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    Hi there, I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my dad to lung cancer in October, 3 days after diagnosis and being told 50% of people would still be around in 8 months. I think you're right to cancel your holiday as you have to stand by your decisions and live with them if things go wrong. I can understand your parents thinking, my dad didn't want my sister to come from Australia as she is visiting in June 2016!!! This meant she never saw him again. They only do it to protect us and not be a burden. I think you'll have to come up with a creative fib to tell your daughter that she will believe. . When you find out the news I personally think you start grieving there and then for what you're not going to have in the near future. Try and focus on the chemo and hope for great things. If things go well you could get more than a couple of months. The doctors only give estimate, all people are different, some people get a lot more time than they say, however some (like my dad) get a lot less time. It's really heart wrenching having to go through this for all involved. I always have those thoughts of the physiological things my dad must of gone through knowing he was leaving us all behind. He was only 64. Take care of your family x

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