Hi Krystal

Such a hard time for you and  your Mum and not an easy question to answer because most experiences are different. All I would say is that the time you have is always precious. When my Dad was nearing the end of his life, he slept more and more and at his request spent his last days in a hospice with round the clock care and Marie Curie nurses who were so supportive to us all. Where my husband was concerned he had been dealing with a cancer diagnosis (incurable from when he found out) for nearly three years and his choice was to be at home. His deterioration was pretty rapid in the last five days but he knew who we were and  was still able to chat with us during the time he was awake.  He did not eat much at all and only managed sips of water. We had community nurses calling as and when required in the last 3 days and he slept more and more. Was on oral pain relief until the last 36hrs when swallowing became difficult so they fitted a driver.  Believe it or not he still managed to get up for a  little while on his last day with us and enjoyed watching the grandchildren playing and those memories are very special. His passing was peaceful but a deeply felt loss.

I hope you  have others to support you both and do try and take some time to be kind to yourself too. Jules54

This terrifies me! I feel like it's going to happen soon....should I know? 

She's sleeping a lot, on so much medication! And when she is awake she seems to be having hallucinations, and not really making a lot of sense. My mum refuses to go in to the hospice. She believes she's going to fight this, she doesn't know what they told us at her last appointment, that she only had months left I think that's the hardest thing. My mum has always been the person I turn to, always! But with this I feel I can't talk to her because i dont want her to know my fears, I want to protect her. I just wish I could!

Krystal

I think I would say that there can be no certainty as to when someone is going to pass away. Everyone reading your post will recognise a little bit of themselves, as that overwhelming feeling of protection and love for those we care so much about is very much a part of this process. I am still not sure what gave me the strength to see the the way through the cancer illness but I did, as so many of us do, by taking it day to day and maybe even hour by hour.  It is an enormous emotional strain but whilst you are with your Mum I think the best thing to concentrate on it keeping her comfortable and chat about everyday stuff or little stories that were good for  you both.  She may well take comfort from you just reading to her or listening to music. My hubby just wanted to be allowed to watch TV whenever he was awake - it helped him relax and 'switch off'. 

It can be that heavy medication have a few side effects, like what appear to be hallucinations and this is worth mentioning to those tending to your Mum's medical needs as they may be able to help wth adjustments. Do you  have visiting Nurse or contact with MacMillan? My husband knew that he had terminal cancer but did not want to know 'when' and when I was told (I asked the visiting Doctor) he probably had less than a week I kept that from him. I had no idea that just 24hrs later he would have slipped away but I felt I followed my hubby's wishes and this would give me comfort in the following days.  

The forum is here anytime you need to talk; it helped me feel less alone during what was an emotional struggle. Sending a virtual hug. Jules