Hi Jo, welcome to the forum and yes, this forum is for both cancer patients and family/friends too. I have cancer myself now, but have been in your position where some members of my family, as well as several friends had to deal with cancer. I'm not sure which side of this equation is worse; either side is the pits as far as I'm concerned. Its' just a really hard thing to deal with either way. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. I think if I was to try and tell you how to feel, it wouldn't work anyway. How you feel is not abnormal for sure. Being in this position turns your entire world upside down. Life as you once knew it, no longer exists and you find a whole new way of living and interacting with loved ones. How is your sister coping with her diagnosis? Perhaps if you ask her what she needs that you can get for her, helping her may help you in the end. You don't say whether she is getting treatment, or if she is really ill right now. If she's well, perhaps the two of you can do some activities that you enjoy. No matter what, this isn't going to go away obviously, so it seems like it has to be dealt with. Ask your sister if she wants to talk about what's happening in her life, (that's if you can handle it) and hopefully, you have other family members to support the two of you through this.

Come back on here and get support from the forum members whenever you feel the need, but also let us know how things are going for you and your sister.

Take care.

Lorraine  

Thank you Lorraine for your reply. I am very sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this dreadful disease and for your losses. My sister is one hell of a lady-I know I am biased, but it is true. Having been initially diagnosed 4 years ago, she went out and raised over £20,000 for various charities. Since then, she has had 3 other operations and various treatments-but to look at her, you would never know that she was ill, never mind had been given only 12 months to live. I think that is what is so hard to deal with-as well as my worry of how her husband and children will cope when it happens. A wonderful friend of mine brought me a lovely afternoon tea to take with my sister, so that is one plan that we have. I just feel that I have no-one to talk to as everyone is busy leading their lives, but I cannot get on with mine-i am just being selfish I suppose?! It is all just too hard to deal with.

Hi Jo

I have had some experience as to what you are going through and yes, the forum is a very good place to chat about how you feel and rest assured there is plenty of understanding and support.  I joined the forum during the time my husband was dealing with Mesothelioma (terminal cancer of the lung linings caused by asbestos) and the understanding I received was amazing. 

It sounds as though your sister is coping by keeping busy and trying to make the most of whatever time she may have.  My husband coped by not wishing to talk about his illness and wanting everyone to carry on 'as normal'.  It was very very difficult and my frustrations would boil over at times (I also felt it selfish of me to feel this way and then guilty in equal measure) but I never saw him angry just immensely sad that he could not longer work as he was something of a workaholic before diagnosis.

Lorraine's suggestion to ask your sister what she would like to achieve is a great idea and actually just spending quality time with her could be your own goal.  My husband just wanted us to get on with day to day living and we did our best. By the way your sister's current prognosis of 12 months to live is usually just a guide and many who use this site have proved their doctor's wrong.  As your sister is currently doing fairly well I hope you can enjoy family time but still have your own life too - it can  be an important part of coping with cancer in the family.  Sending best wishes  Jules54

Hi jo, Macmillan & others offer counselling for families

please ask to speak with someone 

my husband chatted to qualified staff where I used to go for treatment and that helped him enormously as he couldn't express how he felt to me xx

you are not alone

we can support you xx

donna  

Thank you Jules54 that helps a lot. My sister is staying so positive, but I am not sure that is not just so she can hold the family up-she is not one to complain or ask for support even when she needs it. Jo

Thank you Donna and I hope that you are well now? Making this leap to use the forum has really started to help me to control my feeling of isolation-I do feel selfish for that but know that is what I needed and also that is what the forum is for. I am always here to support others too.

Hi Jo

Sometimes asking for support is the hardest move to make and that goes for family members and those who have the illness. I am sure when necessary you will understand what you sister needs the most but for now just try to enjoy any time you have together and be guided by her her as she will be the only one who really knows how she feels and  you can 'run with it'. It is not selfish to be kind to yourself either as this does help you cope. Take care. Jules

I f eel the same, my husband was diagosed with Lung and Liver cancer in May, he also was given a year, I thought we could get through this together, but my head just is not righ.t. I worry all the time.

I dont expext my post is a lot of help to you, but I feel the same.

Take care

Dear Mau I am very sorry to hear of your sad news. We need to stay strong. One thing everyone has helped me to remember is that we still have time to enjoy and make memories.