Hi Jo

I have had some experience as to what you are going through and yes, the forum is a very good place to chat about how you feel and rest assured there is plenty of understanding and support.  I joined the forum during the time my husband was dealing with Mesothelioma (terminal cancer of the lung linings caused by asbestos) and the understanding I received was amazing. 

It sounds as though your sister is coping by keeping busy and trying to make the most of whatever time she may have.  My husband coped by not wishing to talk about his illness and wanting everyone to carry on 'as normal'.  It was very very difficult and my frustrations would boil over at times (I also felt it selfish of me to feel this way and then guilty in equal measure) but I never saw him angry just immensely sad that he could not longer work as he was something of a workaholic before diagnosis.

Lorraine's suggestion to ask your sister what she would like to achieve is a great idea and actually just spending quality time with her could be your own goal.  My husband just wanted us to get on with day to day living and we did our best. By the way your sister's current prognosis of 12 months to live is usually just a guide and many who use this site have proved their doctor's wrong.  As your sister is currently doing fairly well I hope you can enjoy family time but still have your own life too - it can  be an important part of coping with cancer in the family.  Sending best wishes  Jules54

Hi Jo

I have had some experience as to what you are going through and yes, the forum is a very good place to chat about how you feel and rest assured there is plenty of understanding and support.  I joined the forum during the time my husband was dealing with Mesothelioma (terminal cancer of the lung linings caused by asbestos) and the understanding I received was amazing. 

It sounds as though your sister is coping by keeping busy and trying to make the most of whatever time she may have.  My husband coped by not wishing to talk about his illness and wanting everyone to carry on 'as normal'.  It was very very difficult and my frustrations would boil over at times (I also felt it selfish of me to feel this way and then guilty in equal measure) but I never saw him angry just immensely sad that he could not longer work as he was something of a workaholic before diagnosis.

Lorraine's suggestion to ask your sister what she would like to achieve is a great idea and actually just spending quality time with her could be your own goal.  My husband just wanted us to get on with day to day living and we did our best. By the way your sister's current prognosis of 12 months to live is usually just a guide and many who use this site have proved their doctor's wrong.  As your sister is currently doing fairly well I hope you can enjoy family time but still have your own life too - it can  be an important part of coping with cancer in the family.  Sending best wishes  Jules54

Thank you Jules54 that helps a lot. My sister is staying so positive, but I am not sure that is not just so she can hold the family up-she is not one to complain or ask for support even when she needs it. Jo

Thank you Donna and I hope that you are well now? Making this leap to use the forum has really started to help me to control my feeling of isolation-I do feel selfish for that but know that is what I needed and also that is what the forum is for. I am always here to support others too.

Hi Jo

Sometimes asking for support is the hardest move to make and that goes for family members and those who have the illness. I am sure when necessary you will understand what you sister needs the most but for now just try to enjoy any time you have together and be guided by her her as she will be the only one who really knows how she feels and  you can 'run with it'. It is not selfish to be kind to yourself either as this does help you cope. Take care. Jules

Thank you Jules-your kind words have made me realise that I need to be kind to myself as well. Take care.