My husband had a tumour removed from his spine in 2011, It was Plasma Cytoma, which has since fully developed into Multiple Myloma, which is a cancer of the bone plasma affecting his spine, ribs, pelvic area & long bones. He began chemo is February 2015, & has been on varying cocktails ever since, but he also has kidney damage, & the radiotherapy from his plasma cytoma has damaged his heart. He has had a poor Christmas, lots of pain, exhaustion, bad temper (chemo induced we think). He can do very little at the moment except wash & dress himself, which really takes it out of him. The reason for this mail is to see if anyone else feels as I do. Angry that our lives have been devestated (I am 64, Chris is 66). He is in bed most of the day as the pain in his spine is now so severe he needs to be laying down. So, I walk the dogs, do the housework, read books, watch TV & drink wine. Apart from the few wonderful interludes when family & friends intervene (but even then I feel guilty if I go out & leave him), I sit & cry, or feel sorry for myself, or find myself asking "anything you need?", which equally frustrates him. I know this is an incurable/terminal illness, but I can't bear to see my once very fit, tall, athletic husband, shrivel away to a skeletal wreck. He has already lost 4" in height as his spine curves over. 

We are being robbed of happiness in our retirement - well, we have been robbed of our retirement - I am angry, sad, & feel guilty that this is how I feel. Does anyone recognise this? Thankyou