Life, but not as we know it!

My husband had a tumour removed from his spine in 2011, It was Plasma Cytoma, which has since fully developed into Multiple Myloma, which is a cancer of the bone plasma affecting his spine, ribs, pelvic area & long bones. He began chemo is February 2015, & has been on varying cocktails ever since, but he also has kidney damage, & the radiotherapy from his plasma cytoma has damaged his heart. He has had a poor Christmas, lots of pain, exhaustion, bad temper (chemo induced we think). He can do very little at the moment except wash & dress himself, which really takes it out of him. The reason for this mail is to see if anyone else feels as I do. Angry that our lives have been devestated (I am 64, Chris is 66). He is in bed most of the day as the pain in his spine is now so severe he needs to be laying down. So, I walk the dogs, do the housework, read books, watch TV & drink wine. Apart from the few wonderful interludes when family & friends intervene (but even then I feel guilty if I go out & leave him), I sit & cry, or feel sorry for myself, or find myself asking "anything you need?", which equally frustrates him. I know this is an incurable/terminal illness, but I can't bear to see my once very fit, tall, athletic husband, shrivel away to a skeletal wreck. He has already lost 4" in height as his spine curves over. 

We are being robbed of happiness in our retirement - well, we have been robbed of our retirement - I am angry, sad, & feel guilty that this is how I feel. Does anyone recognise this? Thankyou

  • Hi vchells

    Welcome to Cancer Chat and sorry about your husband's cancer and how it has affected you both.

    This is a good place to come and share your thoughts as others will have similar experiences and will understand how you are feeling now.

    Please let us know how you are getting on,

    Jane 

  • Hi, so sorry to hear about your husbands cancer. I certainly recognise those feelings of anger, sadness and very often 'guilt'. My partner has gone through breast cancer surgery, chemotherapy & radiotherapy then only to be diagnosed with secondary in the liver. Recently this has spread further.... Devastated!we are in our early 50's and had planned to retire next year. Like you I feel we've been robbed of what we'd worked so hard to achieve. I feel like I constantly think about her illness & everything connected to it...how long do we have, should I stop working, how will I cope, ..!?

    I'm not sure if it helps you to know that someone recognises & experiences similar feelings, but it has helped me so thank you.

     

  • Hi

    You are definitely not alone with the kind of frustrations, sadness and at times guilt that you are experiencing.   My husband had three awful years of a terminal diagnosis and at times I though I would pull my hair out and then felt guilty because I was not the one suffering with the disease.  He was only 63 when he passed away and was very annoyed that he could not work, let alone retire!  I joined the forum as he could not face the emotional fallout in himself so did not want to talk about it (and who could blame him). He went from 14st to under 9st during his illness but the one thing that cancer could not change was our love for each other and in the end I think that is what got me through the day to day hell of coping, alongside our children and grandchildren bringing some lightness when they visited.  The forum helped so much as I felt better when I realised, albeit sadly, that we were not alone on our journey. 

    Post whenever you feel like it and I am sure others will be along soon.  Jules54

  • Hello dear, your words resonate with me. My husband & I, thirty years old, are dealing with some similar feelings. You and I are at different phase in our lives, perhaps even opposite phases, but the shared feelings are there. We too feel robbed of our lives as we once knew and so painfully frightened that our future could be robbed as well..

    I am finding it very hard to put my feelings into words at the moment, but would love be in touch, so feel free to. I'll add you as a friend and we can write if you would like.

     

    Warmest of regards & would love to be in touch with anyone else that feels the same - so please message.