My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 8 years ago. However when she was in remission it came back, and she now has metastasis breast cancer in her hip bone. A couple of months ago it had spread to her other hip and liver. Last night she received her latest scan results and we found it had spread to a few more areas. 

As much as I am able to stay strong  on front of her, im not copying when im by myself. I am her only daughter so I don't have any siblings to share the grief with.

I see her deterirating day by day, we cant go out for long because she gets tired or gets in pain. I feel like slowly i am losing her, but i can never tell anyone in person how much it is eating me up. I feel like i have split personality. At work i am so confident and loud, but as soon as i sit on the train and read something to do with cancer, i almost start crying. I sometimes cant discuss and read anything to do with cancer as it gets me going. I hate going to sleep as i know i will be crying myself to sleep. I have great friends and family who all look out for her, and because i put on a brave face, no one asks me how im coping. But im not. I see elderly mums with their daughters and i know i will never have that, which gets me more down. Sorry to put this all here, but i cant bring myself to talk to anyone face to face about it as i dont want to get upset infront of anyone or make it akward for them.