Cancer Research UK main site

I dont think i can cope

AnnaH
Offline

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 8 years ago. However when she was in remission it came back, and she now has metastasis breast cancer in her hip bone. A couple of months ago it had spread to her other hip and liver. Last night she received her latest scan results and we found it had spread to a few more areas. 

As much as I am able to stay strong  on front of her, im not copying when im by myself. I am her only daughter so I don't have any siblings to share the grief with.

I see her deterirating day by day, we cant go out for long because she gets tired or gets in pain. I feel like slowly i am losing her, but i can never tell anyone in person how much it is eating me up. I feel like i have split personality. At work i am so confident and loud, but as soon as i sit on the train and read something to do with cancer, i almost start crying. I sometimes cant discuss and read anything to do with cancer as it gets me going. I hate going to sleep as i know i will be crying myself to sleep. I have great friends and family who all look out for her, and because i put on a brave face, no one asks me how im coping. But im not. I see elderly mums with their daughters and i know i will never have that, which gets me more down. Sorry to put this all here, but i cant bring myself to talk to anyone face to face about it as i dont want to get upset infront of anyone or make it akward for them.

  • Offline

    Hi, Anna, so sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis.    Over the years I have cared for many of my family, and I know how hard it is, but rarely has anyone asked me how I coped.  I am sure it isnt because they don't care, they just don't know what to say to help.

    You say you cant go out for long because of her pain and, Idon't know if this would be appropriate, but when my mother got to the stage when walking was difficult our hospital lent us a wheelchair.  It was good to get her round the shops at Christmas (even though she said I was worse pushing a wheelchair than I was at driving a car).  

    You don't have to be strong all the time and maybe your mum doesnt need you to be. A little cuddle and a few tears between you might help.  I have incurable cancer and went to see a new GP yesterday.  I had been told she wasnt particularly caring but as soon as I went through the door she gave me a hug, asked how I was and gave me a box of tissues because I was in tears by then!  Most people don't get beyond asking 'how are you'. because they think tears mean they have upset you, whereas they are a release of emotions.

    I hope that you can find some peac. - I am sure your mum loves having you there.  Best wishes. 

  • Offline

    Hi Anna, I'm really sorry to hear about your mum. I know how you are feeling as I feel exactly the same and I do the same as you and act confident in front of people and my mum but inside I'm a mess. I try to stay positive as that's the only way I cope as I can't imagine a world without my mum. I too also see elderly mums and their daughters and it guts me that I probably won't have that it's such a roller coaster I feel my life is upside down and sometimes a dream. Please inbox me if you want to chat anytime. Thinking of you and your mum xxxx

     

  • Offline

    Just wanted to tell you, I know exactly how you feel, I am there now too, it's simply awful. Don't exactly feel any Christmas spirit, I feel jealousy towards everyone else who is celebrating, my mum told me she feels jealous even seeing people walking. Much love to you, take care of yourself, Sarah xx

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.